


Tear My Castle Down

by Lise



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Consent Issues, Hurt Loki, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, M/M, POV Steve Rogers, Rating May Change, Slavery, Slow Burn, Stressed Steve Rogers, Work In Progress, nobody in this fic is very happy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2019-06-20 09:26:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15531240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lise/pseuds/Lise
Summary: In order to save Loki's life, for Thor's sake, Steve agrees to an unenviable role in Loki's punishment. For once, it's not just Loki making things hard.Though he's definitely not helping.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started this fic in February of 2015. For a variety of reasons, it is just now seeing the light of day - and it's still not finished. I'm not sure how long it'll be, but there's a whole lot of it that exists already, so...I've been talking about this one for three years, I feel like it's about time to start laying it out. 
> 
> This fic is 100% part of me doing the thing I do where I go "what if I took that fandom trope but made it Steve/Loki" with a side of "hey I feel like a lot of these slavery fics aren't dealing with issues about consent and that's what I want" and, well, here we are. Sound like fun? I sure hope so. 
> 
> There was a longer, more rambly version of this author's note that I wrote, but then AO3 deleted it, which is probably for the best. So I'll just say: thank you to [my beta](http://ameliarating.tumblr.com) and everyone on Tumblr who has encouraged me in writing this. I'm over on said blue website if you want to [look me up and drop me a line](http://veliseraptor.tumblr.com) \- I blog about a lot of things a lot of the time. 
> 
> And here we go.

"Hold on," said Tony, "I have to have misheard. Sorry, buddy, can you repeat that again?" 

Thor's expression was a combination of tired and exasperated that Steve could understand, though privately he felt much the same as Tony. "I have explained the terms clearly, Tony Stark. That you do not like them does not mean you do not understand." 

"No," Tony said, shaking his head. "I'm pretty sure I don't understand. You're telling me that your old man has not only decided to send Loki _back_ to the scene of his crime, but is also making him a _slave?_ "

Thor shifted. "I was not involved in this decision," he said, sounding defensive, "and Loki is _not_ a slave-"

"He's just stuck like that," Clint said with a gesture at the video feed being projected on the screen, "until someone claims him as a 'master.' Did I get that right?"

Thor looked miserable. Steve followed Clint's gesture, looking at Loki again. He hadn't moved - but if Steve had to guess that was because he couldn't. His limbs were bound, arms behind his back, ankles and knees together, wrapped in thick, heavy chains with the muzzle he'd left Earth wearing still fastened over half his face. Steve could still see his eyes, though, and they _hated._

"Thor," Steve said carefully, "why does someone _need_ to...claim him? If his punishment is to be imprisoned-"

"It isn't," Thor interrupted. "The Council believes that Loki is...too dangerous to imprison. My father convinced them that there was another option - that Loki might instead be made a thrall to one of those on Midgard he had harmed." 

"And he didn't run this by us, first," Natasha said, her voice very dry. Steve shook his head. 

"That's not it, is it," he said, watching Thor carefully. 

"No," Thor said, and looked down at the table. "If one of you does not agree to be Loki's master, he will be returned to Asgard and executed."

The silence in the room was deafening. "Oh, _great,_ " Tony said finally. "I love this. So our options are - adopt Loki, the guy who just tried to take over the world, into our lives, or send him back to Westeros to get his head chopped off. Is anyone else here feeling a little blackmailed?" 

"No," Clint said bluntly. "Maybe if I felt like there wasn't one option I definitely preferred over the other." 

Thor made a wounded noise. "Can't _you_ take charge of him?" Steve asked, not quite able to say _be his master_ without feeling his stomach knot. Thor shook his head. 

"The Council was very specific in forbidding it." 

"What does it even mean to - uh, be Loki's master?" Bruce asked. "What's to keep him from stabbing whoever it is in the back and bolting?"

"Magic," Thor said. "His is bound. Should he try to harm anyone, any pain he would inflict on others will only affect him. There is also...a geas of obedience, that ensures he will follow commands." 

Tony looked a little green. "And this isn't slavery how, exactly?" 

Thor's jaw worked. "If he were truly a slave," he said, voice strained, "his master would have the power of life and death over him. That is the only stipulation that was made. Loki cannot be killed. Any other...any other treatment is acceptable." 

"Please excuse me while I vomit," Tony said. Bruce looked a little horrified as well. Steve tried not to twitch. 

"That's why you're coming to us," he said. "It could be anyone on Earth, but..."

"I know...I know you have no reason to agree, nor to wish his presence," Thor said, voice almost pleading. "But I ask you, friends - for my sake if not for his. He is still my brother."

Silence, again. Then Clint stood up abruptly. "Sorry, Thor," he said again, and he actually sounded sincere. "But I can't. If I even tried to look at him I would put an arrow through his throat." He walked out, and after a moment Natasha followed after him. 

Bruce shook his head. "I - can't. You know that, right? It'd be a terrible idea on so many levels. The first time I lost control...and this whole _idea_ makes me feel like losing control." His laugh was shaky. Tony still looked like he wanted to throw up but also like he was trying to screw up the courage to agree anyway. 

"Let me talk to him," Steve said. Thor's head swiveled around to look at him. "I'm not making any promises," he went on, "but...I'll talk to him." He could just...not give orders, Steve told himself. He didn't have to be a master in anything but name. As long as it kept Loki from hurting people and alive...that would be good enough, wouldn't it? 

"Steve," Thor said, " _thank you,_ " with such painfully heartfelt gratitude that Steve had to look away, almost ashamed.

* * *

Thor accompanied Steve down to the cell – he needed to, if Steve wanted to hear Loki say anything, since the lock on the muzzle only responded to him and to Loki’s…master. _You’re going to have to get used to that word,_ Steve thought grimly, _if you’re really planning on doing this._

Loki looked just the same as he had on the feed, hunched in the center of the cell, and looking at him Steve thought to wonder with a jolt if he’d eaten since arriving on Earth, or had any kind of sleep. It couldn’t be comfortable trying to lie down with those chains wrapped around his body. Any kind of sympathy Steve might have felt evaporated, however, at the expression in Loki’s eyes when they saw him. Vicious and complete hatred so fierce it almost knocked Steve back a step. 

“Brother,” Thor said, ignoring Steve’s halt and striding forward, opening the door with a touch of his thumb. “I have come with good news.” Loki’s hate-filled gaze moved from Steve to Thor, who did not seem perturbed by it, kneeling beside Loki. “The Captain Steven Rogers has agreed to consider taking charge of you.” 

Loki did not look pleased by this news. His eyes moved back to Steve, now narrowed and no less full of rage. When Thor reached out for his face, however, Loki flinched back, though he regained himself quickly. Steve noted the reaction, frowning. 

Thor took hold of the muzzle and Steve heard a faint click. He pulled it away from Loki’s face, and Steve felt himself tense. The corners of Loki’s mouth looked raw, and he worked his jaw for a moment before speaking – not to Steve but to Thor. 

“You would call that good news, Odinson? And here I had hoped perhaps you came to tell me you had finally tired of this charade.” There was a faint rasp to his voice, like it hadn’t been used for some time, and Steve wondered with another jolt how long he’d been wearing that muzzle. 

“Loki,” Thor said, a warning in his voice. “Captain Rogers has asked to speak with you. Please do not…”

“Be myself?” Loki’s smile was thin and sharp, and then his gaze flicked back to Steve. “Well, well. If the Odinson hasn’t found someone with a heart as soft as his own. Or are your motives for claiming me something more…base?” 

Thor looked like he wanted to say something, but Steve spoke first. “I’m considering it,” he said, “because Thor is my friend and he cares what happens to you.”

Loki’s gaze was bored, almost reptilian. “How…interesting. So it is a soft heart.” He smiled, the expression ugly against the hatred in his eyes. “And you have come to…see if I have repented my wicked ways and will be your obedient slave without complaint?” 

“No,” Steve said, keeping his stance firm. “I wanted to ask what you thought about this arrangement.” 

Loki threw back his head and laughed. Howled, really – the sound was absolutely insane. “Oh, I _see!_ So this is a courtesy, to ask me if I will agree to be enslaved? How _delightful._ ”

“I’m not asking-”

“I would rather die,” Loki interrupted Steve, his eyes blazing. Steve knew if he could stand he would be stalking toward him. “I would _sincerely_ rather die than submit to a pathetic, _soft-hearted_ mortal. Is that all? By all means, Odinson, put the muzzle back on. I have nothing further to say.”

“Loki,” Thor said, plainly distressed. He shot a look at Steve, pleading. “You speak rashly. You do not mean-”

“ _Do not tell me what I do not mean._ ” Steve could see Loki’s shoulders strain against the chains that held him, lips curling back in a snarl. Steve stood frozen and watching, at a loss. He shouldn’t have come down here. What had he hoped to gain? Confirmation that Loki was still the same crazy bastard that he’d been before? Well, he had it now. 

Thor was shaking his head. “Please, Loki. I am asking you to consider it. This need not be such a terrible fate, and I am sure that with time Father will find a way to release you.”

“The All-Father wanted to be rid of me,” Loki hissed. “And he will be. But not by shunting me off to crawl on my belly for one of your mortal _friends._ ” Loki reared back and spat in Thor’s face. “Now go. Snivel to someone else. I tire of your whining.”

For a moment, rage flashed across Thor’s face, but it was followed quickly by sorrow. “Thor,” Steve said quietly, “I don’t think there’s any point in staying here.” 

“Listen to your companion,” Loki sneered. “He at least seems to have some wisdom.”

Thor drew back, wiping the spittle from his face, and replaced the muzzle over Loki’s mouth with a strange sort of care. They retreated out of the quiet room in silence, though Steve could feel Thor’s frustration and unhappiness. 

“I am sorry,” Thor said. “I had hoped…I had hoped he would behave better.”

“It’s fine,” Steve said automatically. He glanced at Thor, taking in the slight slump to his shoulders. Steve took a deep breath and let it out. “I’ll do it.” 

Thor stopped dead and turned to stare at him. “What?” He clearly had not expected that. 

“I’ll do it,” Steve repeated. “I’ll…” He made an uncomfortable gesture. “Take on the duty of being his…master.”

Thor’s expression went from incredulous to a shadow of hope. “You…why?” 

_Because I’m an idiot,_ Steve thought. “Because I don’t like the idea of someone dying when there’s something I can do. And – like I said, because of you. I don’t want you to have to watch your younger brother die when I can stop it.” 

“Even though he said it was his preference?” 

“It’s easy to say that,” Steve said. “A lot of people do. A lot of them also change their mind when they’re actually staring death in the face. I figure – I figure I can at least try.” 

Being enveloped in one of Thor’s hugs was overwhelming. He almost squeezed the air out of Steve’s lungs. “Thank you, my friend,” Thor said, his voice muffled. “I owe you a great debt.”

“If anyone owes me a debt I think it’s Loki,” Steve said, trying to smile. “Is there anything I have to…sign?” 

“No,” Thor said, releasing Steve but still smiling. “Only a verbal confirmation is necessary. I will bring him to you on the morrow.” 

“Tomorrow?” Steve shook his head. “Can I have – a few days? He’ll need living quarters of some kind, and we’ll have to tell the others that he’s coming…”

“Two days at the most,” Thor said. “The Council gave me three days only.”

Steve wanted to protest, but, well, he was already halfway committed. Might as well wade the rest of the way in. “All right,” he said with a heavy sigh. “I guess we’ll just have to be prepared by then.”

And he hoped – _desperately_ hoped – this wasn’t going to be the stupidest decision he’d ever made. 

* * *

They knocked Loki out to make the transfer – some kind of gas, Steve gathered. Thor took charge of carrying Loki’s unconscious form into one of the cells in one of Stark Tower’s many sub-basements, depositing him on a cot that was more of a concession to comfort than he’d had in the SHIELD cell. He also removed the muzzle at Steve’s request, and Steve did not think he imagined that Thor looked relieved to do so.

Then it was just a matter of waiting for Loki to wake up. 

Steve waited on a bench outside the cell for that to happen. Tony joined him briefly, but only to look nervously at Loki and then murmur “better you than me” before exiting in a hurry. 

Loki came around slowly. He stirred a little first, as much as the chains allowed, and then his eyes blinked open, looking groggily at Steve, slow to focus. Steve stood up and let himself into the cell. Loki looked like he was trying to tense and couldn’t quite manage it. Steve took a step toward the cot and noticed that Loki’s breathing quickened.

“Captain,” he slurred, whatever drug he’d been given clearly not out of his system. 

“Loki,” Steve answered. He took a deep breath and spoke the words Thor had given him. “I hereby take ownership-” He only stumbled a little over the word, but it was just a word, it didn’t _mean_ anything if he didn’t let it. “—take ownership of the prisoner Loki Laufeyson.” 

Loki’s eyes widened sluggishly. Steve finished closing the distance between them and hesitated before touching the chains. They melted away the second his fingers made contact – or at least, mostly did. There were still two gold bands on Loki’s bony wrists, and a gold collar fastened around his throat. Steve backed off quickly, not trusting Loki’s slow waking. 

“You cannot…be serious,” Loki said, words still slurring together. “Do you have any idea…of what you’ve just done?” 

“Saved your life,” Steve said firmly. Loki’s eyes blinked sluggishly, but they were clear enough to hate. Steve kept his gaze steady. “I know you said that you would rather be executed, but-”

“But what do I know,” Loki interrupted, his voice a little clearer. “Why should I be permitted to choose my fate?” He sat up, slowly, and Steve tensed, but his hands only rose to touch the collar around his neck. 

“Death is permanent,” Steve said. “This-”

“Is just as permanent.” Loki stuttered a laugh, his smile cruel. “Do not have any illusions about that, Captain. The All-Father is not going to lift this punishment from me. You have bound yourself to me for the rest of my life – and it is a very long one. Are you certain you do not wish to change your mind?” 

Steve felt his stomach clench in sudden doubt, and pushed it aside. Thor didn’t seem to think this situation was permanent, and he had to believe that. “I’m certain,” he said, with finality. “And stop trying to convince me otherwise.”

Loki’s mouth opened, eyes narrowing – and the collar flashed. Loki let out a sharp, unmistakably pained gasp and Steve jerked forward, alarmed. “What-”

“Did you mean that to be your first command, Captain?” Loki’s voice sounded strained, and Steve recoiled, realizing that he had…

“Is that what happens?” He asked, hearing a note in his own voice both sharp and alarmed. “If I say something and you try to disobey-”

“I am punished.” Loki’s smile was full of teeth and bitterness and hatred, still hazy gaze focused on Steve. “Did the Odinson not explain it to you? Or did you truly believe this was meant to be a kindness? You spoke the words, Captain. You claimed _ownership._ ”

Steve tried to force his expression to stay calm even as his stomach clenched. “It seems like maybe he didn’t tell me everything. You-” He swallowed and rephrased his demand as a question. “Can you tell me how this works? Honestly,” he added, quickly. 

“It is simple,” Loki said. “You command. I obey. Should I try to disobey or not obey in a sufficiently prompt manner, I am punished. If I persist, the punishment worsens. I am barred from accessing my magic unless specifically given permission to do so; should I attempt to circumvent this prohibition, I am punished. As for you – that is at your discretion. I expect Thor did mention that you are forbidden to kill me, however.” 

Steve’s mouth felt suddenly dry. He’d been aware – Thor had said all of that, he supposed, but it had sounded less…awful. Less like… “I’m sorry,” Steve said honestly. “I’m not…I don’t want to cause you pain. That’s not the point.”

“No,” Loki said. “The point is simply that I am now your slave. But that is all right. I am sure you will be a very _kind_ master.” He smiled like he was baring his teeth. 

Oh, this had been a _very_ bad idea. Steve took a deep breath. “I don’t want this to be any harder than it needs to be,” he began. 

“You will need to get used to it being exactly that hard,” Loki said. 

“Stop arguing with me,” Steve said without thinking. Loki opened his mouth to retort and cut off, the collar flashing again. Loki’s hand jerked up toward it and then pulled down. Steve winced. 

“Sorry,” he said. “I’ll try to be more careful about…giving orders.” He took a deep breath. “Can I...take it back?”

Loki was silent for a long moment, and then blinked at Steve, eyes widening. “Oh. May I speak now?” 

A very, _very_ bad idea. “Not if you don’t want to,” Steve said, trying to keep his voice neutral. “Is it possible to take orders back?”

“I have no idea,” Loki said flatly. “It hasn’t come up.” 

Steve took a deep breath and let it out. “It’s fine if...you can argue with me. Obviously I’d _rather_ you didn’t too much, but…”

“How magnanimous of you,” Loki said, his voice acidic. Steve supposed he’d just have to wait and see if it’d worked.

“I’d like to take you out of here and to your rooms,” he said, “but we’re going to need a few ground rules first.”

“Call them what they are, Captain,” Loki said. “Orders.” His gaze was flat and full of a mixture of scorn and hatred that made Steve’s stomach clench. 

“Rules,” Steve insisted. “But first – I want to know what exactly counts as an order that you’re compelled to obey. If I say ‘can you please do x,’ is that going to be read by the, um, magic as a command?”

Loki shrugged. “I do not know.” 

Steve blinked. “You don’t know?” 

“No.” Loki’s voice was flat. “I was not informed of the full parameters of my binding. I suspect Asgard believed it would only help me find a way around it if I was. Or perhaps they thought it would be amusing to force me to struggle to meet conditions I am not aware of.” Loki’s reptilian gaze, full of barely suppressed fury, met Steve’s. “What I told you I have learned through…trial and error.”

Steve’s throat felt as though there was a lump in it. “I…see.” The more he found out about this punishment, the less he liked it. He reminded himself that it was this or death, and he didn’t believe in the death penalty even if he had been all right with forcing Thor to watch his brother be executed. “I’d…like to test that, if possible. I don’t want to inadvertently command you to do something.”

Loki’s lips curled in a mirthless smile. “You _do_ like offering the illusion of choice.”

Every time Loki _talked_ it made Steve’s stomach turn over but he felt his jaw tighten, too. “I’m trying to _help_ you.”

“No, you are not,” Loki said, standing with only the slightest wobble and taking a step toward Steve. “You are trying to salve your conscience and keep Thor pacified and happy. Myself you fear and mistrust – which makes you not a _complete_ fool. You wish to contain me while still playing the part of a humane and gracious master. Do I miss the mark?” 

It was tempting, so tempting, to say _stop talking_ and _make_ Loki shut up, but Steve _wasn’t_ going to be that guy, wasn’t going to give in to whatever Loki’s game was. Instead he schooled his face to neutrality and said, “You done?” 

Loki’s lips peeled back from his teeth. “No.” 

“Okay,” Steve said, planting his feet and crossing his arms. “Keep going. Get it out of your system. Then maybe we can actually have a conversation, huh?”

For a moment, Loki’s face registered genuine surprise, then it was gone. “A conversation? Is _that_ what you are going to call it?” 

“That’s what we’re going to have,” Steve said firmly. “Once you’re done needling me. All right?” 

Loki’s weight shifted back into his heels, barely perceptibly. So Steve had his interest, at least. Good, he thought, but didn’t say anything further, just waited. Finally, Loki said cautiously, “you would call your issuing of commands that I have no choice but to follow a conversation?” 

“No,” Steve said, “We’ll figure that out _after_ we figure out some of the limits of this magic binding. Asgard doesn’t own me – and it looks like now they don’t own you either. And like I said, _I’m_ not interested in hurting you. So if you have anything else you’d like to say, go ahead. I’ll wait.”

Loki examined Steve’s face closely, eyes narrowing, but after a moment he shook his head. “By all means. I am _dying_ to know what these _ground rules_ of yours are.” 

It was a small victory, but Steve thought it was still a victory. “Thor said you can’t hurt anyone. Is that true?” Loki grinned at him, all teeth. 

“Why don’t you give me a blade and we’ll see.” Steve held still and waited, and after a moment Loki dropped the grin, lips twisting. “It is true.” 

“All right.” Steve closed his eyes for a moment, trying to think through possible loopholes. “I want you to- hm.” That might not count as a command. For this, he needed to be sure. “You’re going to have a room to yourself. Don’t wander around outside it without supervision.” That ought to keep Loki out of most trouble, and protect Steve’s teammates from him to boot. “You’re also not to leave this building unless I explicitly say you can.” Just in case. Steve looked at Loki, who stared at him in silence. “That’s all,” Steve added, after a moment. 

“That is all,” Loki echoed. “That I am to remain in my cell unless accompanied and not to leave this building.” Steve couldn’t read the tone of his voice. Had he forgotten something? 

“Yes,” Steve made himself say firmly. “That’s all. If any other situations come up, maybe we’ll need to adjust, but for now I don’t think anything else is necessary.” 

An odd expression flickered across Loki’s face, though it was gone quickly. “How very merciful of you.” 

Steve squared his shoulders and met Loki’s eyes. “I’m not a fan of slavery. It’s not typically condoned on this planet at all. So other than doing what’s necessary to keep everyone else _and_ you safe – I’m not planning on taking advantage. Is that clear enough?”

“Perfectly,” Loki said. Steve felt a prickle of unease, but he pushed it down. 

“Good,” he said. “So – is there anything you would like from me?”

Loki’s eyebrows rose. “From you?” He said, tone one of disdain, but Steve thought he could see wariness lurking in his expression. 

“Yes,” Steve said. “Any books or types of food you would like me to get for you? Or particular requests, things I can do?” 

Steve could almost see Loki going back and forth between the possibility that the question was a trap and his own desires. “Granting me my freedom is out of the question, I suppose,” Loki said, with one of those sharp smiles. “As for books – I would hardly know where to begin with your undoubtedly primitive literature.” 

“I’ll take that as a request for recommendations,” Steve said dryly. 

“Take it however you like.” Loki’s tone was perfectly haughty. “Where _are_ these quarters of mine? I should very much like to see them.”

Steve tried not to let his mouth twitch toward a wry smile. “I’m sure you would.” He stepped back and gestured toward the door. “This way.”

* * *

He showed Loki to his room and stood in the doorway while he looked around, expression just inches from a sneer. It wasn’t a bad set up, to Steve’s eye – maybe not five-star hotel but there was a miniature kitchen, a bathroom, and a bedroom, which was more than he’d had growing up – and more than prisoners in an actual jail got. 

“Meet with your approval?” Steve asked dryly after several minutes of watching Loki peruse the space. 

“No,” Loki said shortly. “But I doubt that has any bearing on the situation.”

“You’re right,” Steve said. “It doesn’t. Tony’s AI – artificial intelligence, his-”

“I understand,” Loki interrupted. Steve gave him a sharp look but caught himself in time that he didn’t say _don’t interrupt me._ He didn’t want to give any more commands than necessary, and if interruptions were irritating, he still didn’t want Loki to suffer for them. That was just a recipe for making this whole thing worse than it already was. 

“He’ll be watching,” he said. “So if you need anything, just say it and he’ll relay your request to one of us.” Loki just looked at him with that flat, feeling-less stare, and Steve made himself not shift. “Do you need anything else?” 

“My freedom,” Loki said, deadpan. “And I would not say no to Thor bound in chains at my feet, either.” 

Steve took that as a no. “I’ll be back to check on you tomorrow,” he said. “Have a good day.” 

Loki’s eyebrows quirked. “Is that an order?” 

Steve shut the door and exhaled, shoulders slumping. It could have been worse, he told himself. Could have been a lot worse. And now Loki was in his room, and he hopefully wouldn’t try to leave, and as long as Steve kept checking in on him and making sure he had what he needed, and maybe figuring out a way to get him outside, and some kind of exercise…

He could manage this. For Thor. 

He spent the rest of the day trying to get back into routine – going for a run, doing a few errands, making himself lunch. Tony caught up to him while Steve was in the middle of the latter, looking antsy and nervous. “So, how’d it go,” he asked, like Steve had been in for a job interview. 

“Fine,” he said, and then made a face. “Well – about as fine as any of this could be.” 

“I can’t believe you actually volunteered,” Tony said. “You, _Steve Rogers,_ volunteered to take on an alien as a slave. Everyone’s favorite alien, no less. And don’t tell me you buy that shit about _it’s not slavery if you’re not allowed to kill him,_ because that’s just-”

Steve dropped his head forward, leaning on the counter. “I know. _I know._ But I wasn’t just going to – it was this or execution, and don’t tell me you’d be fine with seeing what that’d do to Thor.” 

Tony held up his hands. “I’m not saying you made a bad call! Just saying better you than me.” He narrowed his eyes. “Though – how long do you think before he finds some kind of way to slip out of it? Antlers strikes me as a pretty resourceful type. I guarantee you he’s been going over whatever rules this binding whatever has to find a way out ever since he heard about it.” 

Steve shook his head slowly. “They didn’t tell him,” he said. That still bothered him, a little, even if it made sense. “Loki doesn’t actually know exactly how it works. Apparently he’s just been figuring it out through trial and error.” 

Tony blinked, and then blinked again. “You mean he doesn’t know if something’s not allowed until he actually does it and some kind of – what, shock collar goes off?”

“No,” Steve said wearily. “Apparently not.” Tony was quiet for a long second, and then whistled. 

“Wow,” he said. “That’s…wow. A little fucked up.” Steve turned to look at him, almost relieved. 

“I know.” 

“A lot fucked up,” Tony amended. He made a face. “Asgard doesn’t fuck around.”

Steve ran his fingers through his hair. “I figure I’ll just…try to be as hands off as I can,” he said. “Keep everyone safe, Loki stays alive, Thor stays happy.”

Tony snorted. “You make it sound simple, Cap. You should know better. The _it’s Loki_ factor alone, because if I were him – and thank Jesus I’m not – I’d be hissing mad and looking to make any trouble I could. Even if it hurt, because Bruce is right that the guys is _nuts_ and he’s also smart, and ‘crazy and smart’ is – take it from me – a terrible combination.” 

“Then I guess it’s a good thing I’ve got you to help make sure this doesn’t go to pieces,” Steve said. Tony frowned. 

“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re implying,” Tony said delicately.

“I’m sure you don’t,” Steve agreed amiably, and ignored the sharp, suspicious look Tony shot in his direction. It faded quickly in favor of a thoughtful expression. 

“D’you know if Loki still has his magic thinga-ma-whatever?” He asked. “Cause I’ve got a whole bunch of questions about how that works-”

“His room’s on the eighteenth floor,” Steve said. “Feel free to go ask.”

“I know, but there’s no way he’ll talk to me, so maybe you could just…” He trailed off and made a face. “That’d be wrong, wouldn’t it.”

“Yeah,” Steve said. “I’d say so.”

Tony sighed. “Dammit. Oh, well.” He paused. “How literal do you think it is? Like, if you told him to go fuck himself – not that you would, that’s naughty-”

“Tony,” Steve said. He flashed Steve a grin. 

“Just asking. Scientific curiosity, you know.” 

Steve shook his head and went back to making his salad.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's not...talk about how long it's been. IT'S ONLY BEEN A LITTLE OVER FOUR MONTHS, THAT'S ALL, THAT'S NOT UNREASONABLE.
> 
> I really don't have a good explanation other than "raging insecurity", so...we're just gonna leave that alone and head right into the chapter, which is _finally here_. And we're getting into the first part of the really fucked up bits. This chapter: in which we find out just how bad things can get when you don't know the terms of your binding. 
> 
> With immense thanks to my [dear and patient beta](http://ameliarating.tumblr.com), and to all of you for (hopefully) still being on board after the long wait. (I promise it shouldn't be this long for chapter three. Though, uh, I probably shouldn't make promises.)
> 
> You can, as always, find me on that [barely functional website sometimes known as Tumblr](http://veliseraptor.tumblr.com), where I talk about writing, headcanons, and reblog jokes about Ancient Rome.

Steve was braced for something to go wrong – anything, really, or maybe everything – but it was remarkably quiet. Maybe Loki was sulking, or biding his time plotting something nasty, but whatever it was meant that nothing was exploding. As far as Steve was concerned that was a good sign. 

He had a quiet day around the tower, trying not to think too much about their new houseguest. He checked with JARVIS once, just to make sure Loki was still in his room (he was) and not up to anything suspicious (he wasn’t). 

Steve went to sleep feeling, tentatively, like it might not be so bad. 

He woke up in the middle of the night to pounding on the door. 

Jerking upright out of vague, disturbing dreams, it took Steve a disoriented moment to pull out of nightmare mode and into something more awake. Then he stumbled out to the living room and opened the door, already running through the long, long list of things that could have gone wrong. 

Loki was shaking and pale, one hand braced on the doorframe, the other pulling at his collar, his chest heaving. Steve froze, mouth opening, and Loki half fell, grabbing his arm. “Captain,” he said, teeth chattering. “You need – you need to-”

“What are you doing?” Steve asked, alarm bells shrilling in his head – first that Loki was out of his room and alone, and second at his condition. His fingers squeezed Steve’s wrist hard only to stop with a cry, bruises blooming on Loki’s own wrist. Blood started to run from one nostril and Loki’s breathing stuttered. The punishment, Steve realized, for disobeying. “It’s all right,” he said in a rush. “It’s fine for you to be here,” as if the magic might hear him. Loki’s eyes fixed slowly, though, still wild and full of fear. 

“Command me,” he said, voice little more than a croak, and then doubled over, curling in on himself like he’d just been stabbed in the gut. “ _Please._ ”

Steve tugged his wrist loose and tried to pull Loki inside. “What’s going on?” His permission didn’t seem to be alleviating the punishment, if that’s what this was. Steve grabbed at Loki’s hands and tried to pull them away from where they were clawing at his throat. “Loki, stop!”

A full body shudder went through Loki and his hands fell away, his body suddenly going limp. He swayed, and Steve thought for a moment he would crash to the floor, but he stayed standing, panting, shaking. “Sit down,” Steve said without thinking, pointing at the couch. “Your nose…” Loki raised a hand and wiped the streak of blood away, then stared at it, motions oddly jerky. Then he shuddered again and went to the couch. Steve’s guts were in knots and his heart was still pounding, adrenaline making him dizzy.

He went to the bathroom and got a wet washcloth and a glass of water, held them both out to Loki, who took them without argument. 

Steve waited while Loki took a few sips of the water and then crossed his arms. “Are you going to tell me what _that_ was?”

“No,” Loki said. His voice sounded rough and looking closely Steve could see that he was still shaking. 

“You disobeyed the order I gave you,” Steve said. “Coming down here alone. Is that…” But that didn’t seem right, and Loki just shook his head, the movement stiff, short. His fingers drifted up to the collar again but he pulled them down with what looked like an effort of will. 

“I couldn’t think of another way,” he said after a moment. For a moment his knuckles went white where he was holding the cup. 

“Because?” Steve prompted, Nothing, Loki staring stubbornly straight ahead. _Tell me,_ Steve almost said, but checked himself, remembering that Loki wouldn’t be _able_ to refuse. He jerked, suddenly – _command me,_ Loki had begged, and Steve had told him to _stop._ A small, nauseated feeling began to grow. He hadn’t seen Loki for just over twenty-four hours – since taking charge of him. He remembered Loki saying he didn’t know all the terms of the binding. Loki was breathing shallowly and carefully. “Loki…do you know why this happened?”

Loki said nothing, but he stiffened. Steve thought that was probably answer enough. “It wasn’t about disobeying,” Steve said slowly. “It was…before that.” Loki said nothing, but Steve could see his lips thin. “Was it…when I gave you an order. That made it stop.” 

Loki’s shoulders slumped very slightly, his head turning away. Steve felt sick. Whoever had devised this _geas,_ whoever had set it up, whoever had decided to inflict it on a person…he didn’t think he would like them very much. 

“It would seem Odin fears my having too much free reign,” Loki said, after several moments of silence. His voice sounded oddly distant. “If you had hoped to be a master in no more than name, I am afraid you may have to forget that notion.”

Steve shook his head. “So I have to – what? Give you an order once a day or – that happens?” Loki’s mouth twisted but he did not disagree. “That’s – that’s not much,” Steve said, though his stomach was still churning. “And it can be anything, right, I can just tell you to eat dinner or…” He trailed off at Loki’s laugh, hollow and mirthless. 

“It won’t work,” he said flatly. Steve squared his shoulders.

“What won’t?” 

“Small orders. Like those you suggest. Oh, it – stopped the worst of it for the moment, but I can already feel – the noose closing again.” His fingers plucked at the collar, but Steve doubted Loki even knew he was doing it. “In another few hours I will be in the same condition again.” 

Steve had to try not to gape. He swallowed hard. “That’s…” _Insane,_ he thought. He could see the logic: keep Loki from idling, and another way to prevent his running away or going too far. But the very _neatness_ of it was what made him sick. He could feel Loki’s eyes on him, cold and hard. “So what’s enough?” He asked. “At what point…can you _sleep_?”

Loki shrugged. His eyes bored into Steve, full of hate and resentment. “I have no idea. I did not know this was a part of the spell until I woke up three hours ago to its burning.”

Steve started. “Three – what were you doing?”

Loki’s smile was sharp and humorless, his eyes like chips of stone. “I was seeing if it would kill me.”

Steve stared at him, blankly, feeling like he’d missed something somewhere even as he was sure that he hadn’t. He felt something like panic fluttering in his chest. _For three hours?_ He wanted to say, incredulous and horrified and impressed all at once, and couldn’t figure out how to respond. 

Loki’s eyes swung away, a small tremor shuddering through his body. Steve didn’t think Loki was aware of it. “Obviously, that didn’t work. It seems the Council is both thorough and determined.”

“Loki-” Steve stopped. This was wrong. All of this was wrong. For a moment he thought that maybe he should have let Loki have what he wanted, maybe that would’ve been _better,_ but that wasn’t true. Death was final. This…maybe this wasn’t. He did feel a thrum of anger. “I didn’t know. I didn’t realize…”

“You did not bother to realize.” There was loathing in Loki’s voice, but mostly he just sounded tired. “You and Thor. Careless of consequences. Always so quick to play the hero.”

“It’s barbaric,” Steve said, a little angrily. Loki laughed, an odd sort of stuttering sound that didn’t seem particularly amused. 

“Obviously,” he said. “I imagine they had a great deal of _fun_ coming up with it.”

Steve’s stomach churned, and he just stared at Loki, at a loss for words. Loki looked away, pale and sweaty. “Let me get you more water,” he said abruptly. It was only when Loki’s lips pressed together and he twitched that Steve realized that had been an order. Or was enough of one. “Sorry,” he said, but Loki just sneered. 

“Sorry for the burden on your conscience,” he said. “Do not trouble yourself. As you see, you should feel free to order me about as much as you like. After all, it is for my own good.” The bitterness there was thick enough to cut. Steve tensed.

“If you think I’m happy about this you really don’t know anything about me,” he said.

“I know enough.” Loki’s voice was perfectly dismissive. 

“You don’t,” Steve said flatly. “And stop-” He cut off before finishing the sentence. Loki looked almost amused, and he rephrased carefully. “I’d appreciate if you didn’t keep assuming you know what I’m thinking.”

Loki laughed, a short bark of sound. “Yes, master.”

“Don’t-” Goddammit. “Can you not call me that?”

Loki raised his eyebrows. “Is it not what you are?” 

Steve rubbed his nose. “It’s not what I _want_ to be. It’s not what I thought I was signing up for.” Loki’s expression twitched, and Steve grimaced. “Maybe that was short-sighted, but now that I know…” He trailed off. 

“Now that you know,” Loki said, standing, swaying a little. “Nothing changes. The binding remains the same, and you still hold my leash. Can you truly claim it gives you no pleasure to see me humbled? Bound to your will.” Loki’s eyes were cold and bitter. “You will need to give me another command, unless you wish me at your door again.”

Steve rubbed his temples. “Like what?” 

Loki shrugged. “I think the point is rather that it is up to you.”

Steve just looked at Loki for a long time, trying to think of something. “What if I order you to go to sleep?” Loki just looked at him, expression flat, and Steve sighed. “I guess just – why don’t you clean the stairwell?” 

“That is not an order,” Loki said flatly. He was picking at the collar; Steve wondered if he realized he was doing it. Wondered what it felt like, _the noose closing,_ as Loki put it. He felt a vague nauseous turn, reminding himself to ask Thor, when he had the chance, what he’d known about the terms of Loki’s binding. If there was any way, maybe, to change them. 

“Right, fine – clean the stairwell. Please. I think someone spilled something in there. Supplies are in the closet in the hall.” 

“As you will,” Loki said, something sharp and mocking in his voice. He turned for the door and slipped out. 

“Loki,” Steve called after him. He paused. “If this…if this happens again? Don’t…I’d rather you didn’t wait three hours to do something about it.”

“That is not an order either,” Loki said, back still turned to him. 

“No,” Steve said. “It isn’t. I don’t want to control your every move. I just want to keep everyone safe. Including you.” 

“Of course,” Loki said silkily. “Would not want beloved Thor to be upset.” He left, walk still a little unsteady. Steve went to the doorway to look after him, frowning, a distinct sinking feeling in his stomach that everything had just gotten a lot more complicated. And probably unpleasant.

* * *

Steve woke up to his phone buzzing on the bedside table and reached for it groggily, half sure that all of the events of the previous night had been some kind of bizarre dream. Loki wasn’t here, he didn’t have some kind of perverted geas to contend with, everything back to normal. 

“’lo,” he said groggily, still a little disoriented after a poor night’s sleep. 

“Steve, can you make it to the twentieth floor?” Tony said. _He_ sounded perfectly awake. “I think your new pet’s gone nuts.”

Steve jerked upright. “Loki?” He asked, and then, “wait, the twentieth,” and belatedly, “he’s not my _pet,_ Tony.”

“Yeah, well, what he _is_ is nuts,” Tony said. “And he’s not responding to me, so…”

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Steve said. “Just – let me put a shirt on, I’ll be right there.” 

It occurred to him after he hung up that he really ought to have asked what ‘gone nuts’ meant. 

Still, he pulled on some clothes and took the elevator up for the sake of speed. He came out and looked back and forth to see Tony standing outside the door to the stairs, looking more agitated than he’d sounded on the phone. “What’s going on?” He asked, and Tony just pointed. Steve felt his worry grow but stepped through into the stairwell, looking back and forth. What was Loki doing all the way up here--

He heard retching up the stairs. His stomach sank like a rock. “Loki?” He called, starting slowly upwards.

Loki was on hands and knees in a corner of the stairs, bent over and breathing hard over a puddle of bile. A moment later he moved, jerkily reaching for a discarded sponge. His hands were red, the skin irritated and angry. 

“Loki,” Steve repeated, horrified, and Loki jerked like he’d been slapped but didn’t turn, or stop. Steve swallowed. “Loki, stop,” he said, and this time Loki did, dropping the sponge and resting his hands on the floor. He still didn’t say anything, though, didn’t turn. Steve shifted. “Um…what…”

“You said-“ Loki’s voice rasped enough that Steve winced. He coughed and started over. “You said. _Clean the stairwell._ There are…59 stories in this building. And multiple stairways on each floor. You did not specify – which.”

Steve stared at Loki, slowly realizing what he was saying. “So – the geas, it interpreted that to mean – all of them?” 

Loki rasped a weak laugh. “Very good, Captain-” He cut off, making a peculiar gulping noise, and twisted away, retching weakly. Steve realized the other layer, his own stomach clenching. 

“And I also…ordered you not to leave your room without an escort.” Loki didn’t answer. He didn’t need to. Steve ran his fingers through his hair. “God – I’m _sorry.”_

Loki’s shoulders shook. “You mean. This wasn’t intentional?”

Steve stared, wide eyed and wordless. “What? No – _no._ I had no idea this would – I didn’t mean-” He stopped, looking at Loki, shaking and grey-skinned, and said, “come on. Let’s go back to your room and…you need to drink something, and – how long…” No, he didn’t need to ask that. Since Steve had sent him off. He rubbed his forehead. “I’m sorry. I mean it. You could’ve come to me-“

“That would have been shirking my duty,” Loki said flatly. “Disobeying a command. Bad enough trying to deal with two in conflict. I did not want to invoke a third.”

Steve squeezed his eyes shut and reached out to take Loki’s arm, to help, but he pulled back when Loki flinched away. He felt a pang of guilt, supposing he’d earned that. Twice now within 48 hours he’d made assumptions that had ended with Loki suffering. 

“Let me get you a glass of water,” he said. “And…you can sit down for a while.”

“How gracious of you,” Loki said, his voice raw. His throat must be burning. Steve retreated back into the hallway.

“Well?” Tony said. Steve just shook his head.

“Where can I get some water?” He asked. Tony pointed, still looking spooked, and Steve went without explaining further. He filled a cup with cold filtered water and ice and returned to where Loki was sitting, holding it out. He half expected a snide comment about poison, but Loki drank it without so much as a word and without looking at Steve. 

“I’m…going to go tell Tony what’s going on,” Steve said tentatively. “I can get you another glass of water first, if you want.” He caught himself choosing his words carefully, scared that he might accidentally trip into another command. 

“No, thank you.” All of the tone was gone from Loki’s voice. 

“All right,” Steve said. “Just-” He caught himself before saying _stay here_ and instead said, “I’ll be back in a minute.” 

He left the stairwell again and found Tony still hovering outside. “You going to tell me what the fuck that was about?” 

Steve rubbed his forehead. “How did you find him here?” 

“Answering a question with a question, I see how it is.” Tony rolled his shoulders back. “JARVIS woke me up, said the supervillain was out of the bag and wasn’t responding to orders to return to his quarters. I thought he’d probably killed you or knocked you over the head or something, so I came down here and…” He gestured. Steve could imagine what he’d seen. “Tried yelling at him for a minute. Didn’t work, so I called you.” His voice was very matter of fact, but he looked a little wild around the eyes. Steve couldn’t blame him. “So I’ll say again – what the fuck?” 

Steve closed his eyes and heaved a sigh. “So,” he said. “it turns out that _hands off_ isn’t really going to work. Apparently if I don’t give him some kind of order regularly, the, uh, geas kicks in.” Tony went a shade paler. “I found that out because he showed up in the middle of the night looking like five kinds of hell because apparently he’d spent a few hours seeing if the geas would kill him if he fought it hard enough.” 

“Okay,” Tony said, in a sort of small voice. “That’s…fine.”

“So then-” Steve shook his head. “ _Stupid._ I had to tell him to do something so it wouldn’t happen again. I figured, I don’t know, chores? So I told him to clean the stairwell.”

“And this curse thing said ‘well, since you didn’t say _which_ I guess we’d better cover all our bases.’” Tony’s mouth was a grim line. “This is shit, Steve. We need to get Thor back here, tell him that it’s not acceptable.” 

“Then they’ll just kill him,” Steve said. “And, oh yeah – since I’d also told him not to leave his rooms without supervision, two different orders were in conflict and the geas was trying to make him follow them both at the same time.”

“Well,” Tony said. “This is royally fucked.”

“I know.” Steve looked back toward the door to the stairs and said, “I don’t know if I can do this.” 

“You can,” Tony said. “Seriously. It’s just a matter of being – careful, right? Maybe there’s a way to…I don’t know, hack this thing. Bend the rules.” 

“Isn’t that what you were scared of Loki doing earlier?” 

“Yeah,” Tony said, “but that was before I found out that whoever designed this thing has the sensibilities of the Marquis de Sade on a bad day. Now I feel _bad_ for the guy. I don’t like it.”

“Go back to bed, Tony,” Steve said. “You can’t do anything else now. Thanks for calling me.” 

“I’m sorry, Steve,” Tony said. “Seriously. This sucks.”

Steve went back and found Loki in exactly the same place he’d left him. He tensed slightly when Steve started toward him but didn’t otherwise move. “Hey,” Steve said carefully. Loki turned his head just enough to look at Steve out of the very corner of his eye. 

“Have you decided, then?” 

Steve’s attempt to figure out how to apologize cut off. “Decided what?” 

“That you are sending me back.” The tone was back in Loki’s voice, but it sounded…odd. Almost conversational. Steve frowned. 

“Back where?” 

“To Asgard,” Loki said, as though Steve was slightly slow. “Obviously.” 

Steve stared at him. “We’re not,” he managed. 

“Was that not what you and Stark were discussing?” Loki turned his head and looked up at Steve more directly. “The inconvenience alone.”

Steve choked on that. “Inconvenience?” Loki looked at him like Steve wasn’t making sense, and he stumbled on. “No – _no._ That’s not, that wasn’t what we were talking about. I was just catching Tony up on everything, and – I’m not sending you back.” 

Loki didn’t look reassured. He didn’t look…anything, really, and it was starting to make Steve uneasy. “You are not?” 

“No,” Steve repeated. “No, I just – I’m trying to figure out how I can…make sure this doesn’t happen again.” 

“You still do not understand, do you,” Loki said. Steve frowned. 

“Don’t understand what?” 

“I suspect this was always the intent. They do not want this to be easy. Contradictions and the punishment that comes with them is almost inevitable. Part of the geas’s design.” Loki’s lips spasmed slightly, the first trace of an expression – or maybe just an involuntary twitch. “I wonder if the Council suspected Thor would try something like this and meant to make it such a burden to my prospective master as to render it impossible.”

Steve stared at Loki. He’d clearly thought about this. A lot. Steve started to open his mouth to ask if he’d _mentioned_ this to anyone, remembered the muzzle, and shut it again. “You didn’t say any of this,” he said finally. Loki turned his gaze away from Steve again. 

“Some I did not know. The rest…I did not think I was unclear in expressing my wishes to both you and Thor. As that did not seem to matter to either of you, it did not seem likely that the details would, either.” One of Loki’s eyebrows rose fractionally. “It seemed more efficient to let you puzzle it out on your own.” 

Which meant Loki had expected something like this to happen. Or at least anticipated it, somewhat. And let it happen. Steve rocked back on his heels. “Why are you so determined to die?” He blurted out. The look Loki gave him was almost amused. 

“Having seen my other options, Captain Rogers – can you really still ask that question?”

* * *

Steve set Loki to cleaning out the refrigerator on the 19th floor, careful to specify which, and told him carefully that he did not need to be accompanied “for the duration of that task.” Then he sank down into a chair and thought about loopholes. 

There had to be something. Could he order that Loki not need an order for a period of time? Or that if two commands contradicted that the later one took precedence? The problem was, though, that any testing would involve possible harm to Loki, and if he slipped up and gave too much of a loophole Steve didn’t think Loki would wink at murdering Steve in his sleep, even if it meant giving himself up to die. 

Maybe especially then, Steve thought grimly. 

Natasha found him there maybe an hour later and sat down next to him. “Heard you’re having trouble with your new assignment,” she said. 

“You could say that,” Steve said wearily. 

“I’d say ‘buyer’s remorse’ but that would probably be tacky,” she said. Steve winced, and she sat down. “Tony looked like he wanted to go on a three day bender when I saw him earlier. Anything you want to talk about?” 

“How would you handle this?” Steve asked. Natasha’s eyebrows quirked. 

“I wouldn’t have taken the job to begin with,” she said. “In fact, I didn’t. As far as I’m concerned, Asgard should have him back, and good riddance.” Steve grimaced, and she eyed him. “I’m pretty sure they only let Thor saddle us with him because they’re waiting for Loki to kill one of us so they can execute him without Thor getting in the way.” 

Steve frowned. “Loki agrees with you.” 

“That is…a disconcerting sentence,” Natasha said after a moment. “All right, I’ll humor you. What does Loki agree with me about?” 

“That this sentence is a sham. Only _he_ seems to think that the Council is trying to inconvenience me into giving him back.” Steve gave her a weary look. “Slavery would be bad enough, Nat. But this is torture.”

“There’s often not much of a line between the two.” Natasha gave him a crooked smile. “You’ve really stepped in it, Steve. I’m sorry.” 

Steve closed his eyes briefly. “I don’t want this,” he said. “I was just…trying to help Thor.” 

“I know.” Natasha’s expression shifted slightly, turning sympathetic. “Go over it with me? What do you know about how this…binding…works?” 

Steve explained to her what he – and Loki – had figured out. Her eyebrows drew further together with every word, and by the end she looked truly troubled. “Well,” she said flatly. “That’s…neat.” She shook her head. “Steve…are you sure you shouldn’t just let this go?” 

Steve jerked. “Let this go? You mean – give Loki up to be executed?” Natasha dipped her chin, and Steve shook his head. “Imagine what that would do to Thor, Nat. How he would feel. He’d – it’d wreck him. And I don’t know that he’d ever forgive _me._ ” 

“And what about what this is going to do to you?” Natasha asked. “Is already doing to you? What are you going to do when we have to go out on mission for longer than a day?” Steve’s stomach dropped. He hadn’t thought of that. Another complication.

“I need to figure out…how it all works. _All_ the rules. But if Loki doesn’t know them the only way to figure it out is trial and error, and that’s…going to hurt. I don’t want that, and he already hates me enough.”

“Maybe you can ask Loki what he’d rather,” Natasha said. “If he’d prefer to know the terms of his own confinement at the price of pain or get surprised when you trip into one?” 

Steve rubbed his forehead. “I’m pretty sure he’d just say that he’d rather die.” He sighed, though. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Steve,” Natasha said, and then paused, and sighed. “Good luck.”

“Thanks,” Steve said with a sickly smile. “I’ll probably need it.”

* * *

Loki was back in his rooms when Steve found him, lying on the couch and staring up at the ceiling. He still looked pale and a little unwell, but not as though he was actively being hurt. Steve knocked on the door before entering, and Loki turned his head to look at him, expressionless.

“Hello,” Steve said carefully. “How are you...feeling?” 

“I am recovered, thank you,” Loki said. The icy coolness of his tone gave the lie to the polite words. Steve nodded like he didn’t notice.

“Good,” he said. “And the fridge…”

“Had I left my duty unfinished I would be writhing on the floor rather than talking to you,” Loki said, even colder. Steve took a breath and let it out. 

“Can I sit down?”

“You can do whatever you like,” Loki said, and rather than cold he suddenly sounded tired. “That is what being my _master_ means.”

“If you can still give me permission then I can still ask,” Steve said, but he sat down. “It seems to me,” he started slowly, “we need to try to figure out…how this thing works. Like I’ve been trying to say,” he said, before Loki could get a word in, “I don’t want to hurt you. That’s not my goal, at _all._ So I’d like to figure out how we can make this work at least enough that you aren’t suffering.” Loki’s eyebrows twitched and Steve added hastily, “other than dying.” 

Loki shrugged one shoulder. “I have told you what I know. And learned some things recently that you are aware of.”

“So they…didn’t tell you anything?” Steve said. He still couldn’t quite believe the idea of a sentence where the person being sentenced didn’t even get to know the terms. 

“No,” Loki said. “They did not.” 

“Does Thor,” Steve started to say, but Loki’s whole body went rigid. 

“ _Thor,_ ” he spat. “Do not speak to me of _Thor,_ who thinks only of himself, who had the _gall_ to watch with sad eyes as the All-Father cast me aside like so much _refuse,_ as though it were _his_ tragedy to endure. Thor, who spoke to me of brotherhood and kinship and yet brought a muzzle and chains to drag me to Asgard like a dog.” Loki looked like he wanted to spit. “No. Thor knows no more than I do. He could not _bear_ to know.” 

Steve stiffened, immediately defensive. “Thor is the one who brought you here and begged for your life,” he said. “Because he couldn’t bear to lose you. You might have some _gratitude_ for that.”

“Make no mistake,” Loki said, and now he was on his feet, hands balled into fists. “Thor did that for himself. Not for me. To assuage his conscience, or to tell himself when this comes to the inevitable end that he tried his best.”

Steve took a deep breath to keep himself from snapping back and let it out slowly. One of them had to be the bigger person, and it wasn’t going to be Loki. “Fine,” he said. “So Thor doesn’t know anything either.” There went his hope of a possible easy solution. “I want to put a proposal to you,” he said. 

Loki’s expression went immediately wary and tense. “Why a proposal? Stop dancing around what you are now, Captain. Give your orders and go. I doubt you wish to be here any more than I wish you to be here.” 

“I told you before,” Steve said, forcing his voice to stay calm, “I’m not interested in exploiting this situation. So I’m _asking._ And you can say no, if you want to. But I think it might be in both of our interests if we did a little bit of…controlled experimentation.” 

Loki stared at him, expressionless, and Steve tried not to twitch, tried to look evenly back at him. “Controlled experimentation,” he said at length, slowly. 

“That way,” Steve said, “if anything went wrong – if something starts to hurt you – I’d be here to stop it. Rather than…rather than something like last night happening again.”

Loki continued to just stare at him. Steve managed not to fidget, trying to keep his expression open and honest – reassuring, maybe. 

After a long moment, Loki shrugged. “Why not?” 

Steve blinked, surprised. “—sorry?” 

“I said, ‘why not?’” Loki sat back down, slowly, and though he did a good imitation of lounging, Steve still got the sense that he was so tense he was almost vibrating. “What do I have to lose?” 

“Um-” That wasn’t exactly the ringing endorsement Steve might’ve hoped for. But it was something, at least, and if they could figure this out, they’d probably both be a lot happier. “All right. That’s…good, thank you.” He shook himself. “So…”

“So?” Loki prompted when Steve trailed off. “How do you plan to go about this _controlled experimentation_ of yours?” 

There was a faint quirk at the corner of Loki’s lips that took Steve a moment to recognize. Amused. Mocking. 

Steve hadn’t actually thought that far ahead. He’d expected to have to argue more, convince Loki that it was a good idea – or at least the best idea he had. He faltered a little – but he’d made his choice. Steve dug in his heels – metaphorically – and met Loki’s eyes. 

“If I give you two orders that contradict each other,” Steve said, “I want to make it so they don’t…conflict. So I thought…maybe if I made _that_ a command…”

“No need to explain yourself, Captain,” Loki said. “I am at your disposal.” There it was again, that faint note of mockery. Steve could guess what it was, and he felt his jaw shift. 

“I’m trying to help,” he said. “I know you don’t believe me, but I _am._ This isn’t exactly fun for me either, and before you say it, no, I’m not going to send you back to be executed.” Loki looked like he was trying not to roll his eyes, and Steve shook his head. “I’m trying to offer you an alternative to throwing your life away!” He said hotly. “You’re awfully – _cavalier_ about the prospect of dying.” 

That was part of what bothered him, Steve realized. It wasn’t even that Loki was _resigned_ to the idea that his death was inevitable. It was like he just didn’t care. It made him itch like he wanted to crawl out of his skin.

Loki shrugged. “I’ve done it before. Or nearly enough. Besides, the pleasure of spiting Thor alone might well make it worth it.” His smile was sharp and deadly. Steve took a sharp breath in and let it out. 

“You wouldn’t exactly get to enjoy spiting Thor if you were dead,” he pointed out. 

“Depending on your perspective of an afterlife, I suppose not.” Loki cocked his head to the side. “It bothers you.”

“Of course it bothers me!” Steve said. “It’s _suicide._ I’d say that bothers most people.” 

“In point of fact it would be a legal execution,” Loki said smoothly. “I suppose that methodology might be a problem. I’d rather not hang, if I had the choice, but it really depends on whether I’m still considered royalty or not-”

Steve jerked to his feet. “Stop it,” he said without thinking, and Loki cut off with a slight flinch. Steve winced, too. “Sorry,” he said quickly. “I didn’t mean - it’s just…” He exhaled slowly. “You know as well as I do that it isn’t just an execution. That you’re making the _decision_ to walk to your death. Or damn well trying.”

“And you won’t let me.” Loki’s mouth quirked at one corner. “For all your pretty words about wanting to give me choices...you won’t give me this one.”

Steve sucked in a breath and made himself hold it for ten seconds before letting it out. Ten _full_ seconds. “You’re right,” he said finally. “I won’t. I think this - _thing_ that they’ve done to you is monstrous. But if I already wasn’t inclined to let you be executed, I’m even _less_ inclined to let someone bully me into it.” He gave Loki a straightforward, hard, look. “And that includes by you.” 

“I hardly think that I could bully you into anything, Captain, given my position,” Loki said, spreading his hands in a way that drew attention to the bands around his wrists. “I am, as we have established, entirely at your mercy.” 

“You _can_ try to make my life harder.” 

Loki’s eyes glinted. “In point of fact I don’t particularly have to try.” 

Steve grit his teeth again so he didn’t snap and waited until he didn’t want to. Or wanted to less. “I can give you orders forbidding things,” he said. “What about permissions? Telling you that you _can_ do this or that?”

Loki shrugged. “I have no idea.”

“Well,” Steve said, keeping his voice carefully level, “maybe we could find out?” Loki just looked at him, waiting, and Steve rubbed his eyes and said, “fine. How about this - you can be outside your room unaccompanied as long as you’re…” Damn. The clearest way to phrase it, with the fewest possible loopholes… “As long as you’re obeying an order.” He glanced at Loki. “Anything?” 

“Typically I only know if something is permitted or not when it starts hurting,” Loki said calmly. Steve stared at him, holding back the urge to say again _I’m trying to help._

“All right, then,” he said. “Why don’t you try it?” Nothing, and Steve set his jaw. “Would you stop making this so _hard?_ ”

“You will have to give me an order first,” Loki interrupted. 

“Right,” Steve said, embarrassed. “Um - go down the hall ten steps and then come back.” His stomach started bubbling even as he said the words, realizing that if this _didn’t_ work, he was effectively forcing Loki into a situation that would hurt him. And even if it was with the goal of figuring out a way that they could make this work where Loki didn’t have to suffer–

In the meantime, Steve was still going to be causing him pain. And while Loki had agreed to this experimentation...how much did his agreement mean, when he was Steve’s slave? 

Loki stood and walked over to the door, stepping out into the hallway. Steve stood, ready to move, but Loki didn’t flinch as he walked out of view. When he came back, Steve let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. 

“That didn’t...hurt?” He asked gingerly. 

“No,” Loki said after a brief pause. “It did not.” He didn’t sound happy, but Steve hadn’t really expected him to. 

“Good,” he said vehemently. “That’s good. So we know that if I set conditions on previous orders, or give you permission to do things...then you can do them.” As long as Steve was careful and didn’t contradict himself. As long as he didn’t give any orders without realizing it, or forget any previous orders that conflicted with one that was more recent. As long as…

He felt sick again, the relief vanishing, weight settling back on his shoulders. 

“If you’re following an order I give you and it starts hurting you,” Steve said, “stop what you’re doing and come back to me.”

He saw Loki twitch, then a very slight flicker across his eyes of some emotion too quick for Steve to catch. “As you will,” he said. “It is most gracious of you to try to spare me pain.” The irony in his voice was thick enough to cut. 

_I’m trying, dammit,_ Steve wanted to say, but he bit it back. “What does it feel like?” He asked. “When I - give you an order. You react like you feel something.”

“I do,” Loki said. “Like a collar tightening around my throat.” His gaze stayed steady on Steve’s, flat and inexpressive. Steve’s stomach dropped. 

“Every time?” He said. 

“Yes.”

Steve closed his eyes. _I’m sorry,_ he wanted to say again, but that was woefully, pathetically, inadequate. No matter what he did…

“I’d like to give these Council people a piece of my mind,” he said under his breath. 

“Send me back and I’ll bring them a letter,” Loki said. Steve gave him a hard look, and Loki smiled humorlessly at him. “Just a thought.” 

“Keep-” Steve cut himself off before he finished saying _keep it to yourself._ “It’s not a helpful one,” he said.

“I am compelled to be obedient, Captain,” Loki said. “I am not compelled to be _helpful._ ”

And if that didn’t cut right to the heart of the problem, Steve thought unhappily. _Let me help,_ Steve wanted to say, but that would be an order. And even knowing that, he was tempted to say it. Maybe _then_ they could actually get somewhere, wrangle this _thing_ to something that Steve could live with. That _Loki_ could live with, or at least would cause less harm than was happening now.

But that would be taking advantage of his power, and Steve wasn't going to let himself do that. Whatever Asgard wanted, whatever Loki believed...

Loki was looking at him with that faintly amused, ironic, smile. Like he was just waiting for Steve to throw his hands up and admit defeat. "Stop looking at me like that," Steve snapped, before he could catch himself. Loki flinched and the expression vanished. "Dammit - sorry," he said. "I take it back. Rescind the order. I didn't mean..."

"I didn't think that you did," Loki said, but to Steve's ear it sounded less like absolution than condemnation. _Careless._

"I'm not going to give up," Steve said. "At least--" _Believe that._ No, that would be an order, too. Steve closed his eyes briefly, and Loki barked a laugh. 

"Realizing how difficult it is to avoid issuing orders, are you?" He said. 

"Guess I'll just have to be careful," Steve answered flatly. He had more questions - _what qualifies as an order, how long do you have between needing one, how big an ask does it need to be to stave off punishment -_ but even though he'd barely managed anything he was exhausted and bruised-feeling. There was only so much he could take. He took a deep breath. "We'll come back to this," he said. "Figuring out the rules. Where the loopholes are, how we can adjust to...make this better." 

Loki's nostrils flared. "You say _we,_ " he said, "but I am not a participant in this. And you _still_ do not understand. There is no _making this better._ This is what it is. My pain is part of its design, its _purpose._ And even if it were not, even if you somehow could prevent the binding from hurting me at all - _it would still be a binding._ You still own me. Coat that in honey as you will, but that will never be anything but wormwood."

Steve couldn't even argue. Every word burned in his stomach, but Loki wasn't wrong. 

"Please, master," Loki said, his voice thick with vicious loathing, "command me, and leave me to my work."

Steve slumped, defeated. "Just...tidy up in here, and stay until dinner," he said. "I'll come back around then."

He slunk out. Telling himself the whole thing hadn't been a _complete_ failure, but that tasted like a lie.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *fingerguns* and before another 8 months went by! I mean, to be fair, most of this chapter was already written and I just had to do a little filling in of the gaps. (Same is true of the next chapter, so that one might be along before too long either, and then...things get fuzzier. WE'RE ALL ON A WILD RIDE TOGETHER.)
> 
> Not a lot of notes this time around. Things are still messy. Most everyone is still miserable. And [Amelia](http://ameliarating.tumblr.com) is still a fantastic beta.
> 
> Thanks to everyone for all your comments and encouragement - you give me life.

Steve made himself eat dinner, though he didn’t have much of an appetite. After, he returned to Loki’s rooms and took a deep breath before he knocked on the door. He waited a while with no response, and knocked again, his stomach tightening with formless dread, but this time the door opened and Loki was standing there, his expression perfectly blank. 

“May I come in?” Steve asked.

“You will continue to insist on pretending I have a choice?” 

“You do,” Steve said. “That’s why I asked. You still have a right to privacy.” 

Loki’s eyebrows rose. “Do I,” he said. “So the electronic spies - those are nonfunctional, I suppose?” 

Steve wanted to wince. “They’re not spies,” he said. “It’s part of...those are everywhere.” Loki did not look mollified, and he almost offered to shut them off before realizing that...was probably a bad idea. 

“It matters little,” Loki said. “It is more or less what I expected. Please, Captain. Stop pretending that you are here to make small talk. Give me your orders. I doubt you are any more enthusiastic about my company than I am about yours.” 

“I’m not _pretending,_ ” Steve said. “That isn’t really my style. If…” He breathed out through his nose. “It seems like we’re going to have to have a fair amount of contact.”

“Regrettably,” Loki murmured. Steve ignored him. 

“It doesn’t really work for me to just...drop in, bark an order, and leave. I think it’d be more tolerable for us both if–”

“You are still making the mistake of thinking any part of this can be tolerable,” Loki said.

“If we try to at _least_ keep things cordial,” Steve said, pretending Loki hadn’t spoken. “That lets me check on you, too, and make sure you have what you need.” 

Loki’s expression didn’t so much as twitch. “I have no interest in cordiality, Captain. A slave does not have friendly conversations with his master.” 

Steve knew Loki was using those words he was trying to avoid - _master_ and _slave -_ to make his hackles rise. It was working. But in some way...it was a good reminder, too. And one he should probably not be trying to avoid.

“I get it,” he said carefully. “That you don’t want to...that it’s unfair, in some ways, to act like this is something less hideous than what it is. But I want you to know that... what I’m trying to do, it’s not about not understanding how bad...how _horrific_ it is, what they did to you. Because it is, and it makes me sick.” Loki’s expression didn’t change. “It’s about...trying to minimize harm, at least. So that until I can figure out something better - and I do think we can figure out something better - you’re suffering as little as possible.” 

Loki stared at him, expressionless, for several very long seconds, and then smiled. The expression was so nasty, so _vicious,_ that Steve almost flinched back, though he held his ground. “And you, of course,” he said, “alleviate your guilt. I remind you again, Captain, that if this was truly for _my_ sake, I have made my wishes clear. Multiple times. And a swift, clean, death would be the most efficient way to _minimize harm._ ” 

“And I’ve made clear that’s not an option,” Steve said, but he took a deep breath and controlled his frustration. “Can’t you at least let me _try?_ ”

Loki’s smile vanished in the blink of an eye, all expression leaving his face once again, though Steve thought he caught something profoundly unhappy glinting in Loki’s eye. Then it was gone. “I cannot stop you,” he said. Steve suspected it was meant to be spoken with irony, but he just sounded tired. Steve’s shoulders slumped. 

“If you say no,” Steve said, forcing the words out, “I’ll respect it. Anything other than sending you back, that doesn’t cause anyone harm...if it’s important to you, I’ll go along with it.” 

Loki’s expression went somehow even blanker. He looked at Steve like he didn’t recognize him.

“You can think about it,” Steve said, feeling suddenly tired himself. “For now...make a list of things you need for your apartment. Or want,” he added, after a moment. “Will that...be enough?” He didn’t see any twitch, but he thought of Loki’s words about how each order felt and wanted to wince himself.

“I suppose we’ll find out, won’t we,” Loki said. Steve pressed his lips together, but there wasn’t really anything he could say to that. 

“I’ll come back in the morning,” Steve said, “and we can...talk more about how to move forward.” 

“I’m sure we will,” Loki said neutrally, and closed the door between them. Apparently, Steve thought, there was no part of the geas that forbade being _rude._

The moment he thought it he felt guilty. Loki had enough restrictions on his behavior, and irritating though it might be, plenty of reasons to be a little impolite. 

Steve rubbed his forehead and left, his dinner sitting uneasily in his stomach.

* * *

Lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling and not sleeping, Steve was thinking about Loki. 

His head was spinning with questions about how the geas worked: _can I designate a proxy to give you orders if I’m gone, can I make an order recurring so even if I’m busy you don’t get penalized, what would you be willing to do that would be more useful than cleaning stairwells,_ but the answers to the first two would require more testing that Loki would probably drag his feet about, and the third would probably just get him a blank stare and a flat refusal. And sure, Steve could compel him to do things - he was sure SHIELD would give an arm and a leg to analyze Loki’s powers - but that wasn’t what he wanted. 

He rolled out of bed and pulled up a document on his laptop. He started by writing down everything he knew so far about how the geas worked, followed by what he wanted to know about how they could work around it. Then he wrote a list of the orders he’d given so far.

He paused after writing _if you’re following an order I give you and it starts hurting you, stop what you’re doing and come back to me_ and remembered what Loki had said about the sensation of being given a command. _Like a collar tightening around my throat._

Did he just feel that the moment Steve spoke the words? Or was it continuous for orders that were continuous, like the one about staying in his room if he wasn’t accompanied? If an order Steve gave _was_ hurting him, would the triggering of the order to come back hurt, too?

Steve leaned back in his chair, his stomach in knots again. Loki was right. He could minimize harm, but not eliminate it. Suffering, as Loki had said, was part of the design. Not an error, or an incidental side effect. Inevitable. 

How could Thor have allowed this, Steve thought, and then reminded himself forcefully that Thor didn’t know. When he came back...Steve would make him understand, and maybe if Thor went back to his father something could be done. 

There was still the interim, though.

He could go to Loki and say _help me. Help me figure this out._ It would be an order, but wouldn’t that still be better than Loki putting himself through the wringer to deliberately make things harder for Steve? It’d be like - committing someone to an asylum. Not pleasant, but hypothetically at least to _help._ To keep someone from hurting themselves. Maybe that made it all right.

Except doing that _would_ be hurting Loki. And what if he _couldn’t_ help? The geas would punish him for that, and based on what Loki had said before he might think that Steve had set it up that way on purpose. 

_God,_ this was impossible. He wanted to go to Asgard and give this Council a piece of his mind. 

Not that they’d listen to him. After all, as far as Steve could tell, he was just a convenient interim measure to appease Thor until they got what they wanted anyway, which was Loki dead. 

Steve stared at the blinking cursor on the white screen and closed the computer. He was even more exhausted than he’d been when he started, but no closer to being able to sleep. He was half waiting for Loki to burst in like he had the night before, being tortured by an invisible hand that only Steve could stop - and that was only there in the first place because of Steve. 

He stood up and changed into sweats and a t-shirt. It was too late to go for a run, but at least he could go to the gym and beat up some punching bags. He’d just go ahead and imagine them with the faces of some Asgardian bureaucrats. It wouldn’t help much of anything, but at least it might be more satisfying than lying in bed with his thoughts going in circles.

* * *

The first Steve heard about Thor being back from Asgard was early in the morning from Natasha, who tracked him down just as he was about to get in the shower to tell him, “Thor’s back, and he went to go talk to Loki. You should probably go do damage control.” 

_Oh, god,_ Steve thought, and went. 

He could hear Loki’s voice from the hallway, shouting. “You _dare!_ You _dare_ show your face here, when this is your fault, when you have done this to me?”

“You cannot ask me to abandon you to die! This way you are alive-“

“I am in Hell!”

Steve opened the door and had to duck as something came flying at him and shattered just to the left of his head. Loki doubled over with a hiss and Thor jerked toward him, but Loki raised his head and snarled like an animal. 

“Don’t _touch_ me. Get out, get _out_ you-” Steve had no idea what Loki said, but whatever it was made Thor’s eyes widen. 

“Steve,” Thor said. “I am sorry I did not come to speak with you first-“

“To ask _permission_ of my _master?_ ” Loki’s voice was shrill and furious, straightening though his face looked pale. Steve wondered how many punishments he’d drawn on himself in a five minute conversation with Thor. “Leave now, Thor, or so help me I will rip out your-“ 

He choked, one hand flying to his neck. Thor jerked back around toward him. 

“Loki,” he said, sounding distressed. “What is it?” 

“What you did to me,” Loki hissed, his eyes wild. “The Hell to which you condemned me.” His gaze swung to Steve. “Since he will not listen to _me –_ will you, my master, remove him?” 

Steve flinched. “Don’t call me that.” 

Loki made a noise of disgust. “You are the same, the pair of you. Refusing to see the ugliness of the truth.” 

Steve knew there wasn’t an answer he could give to that, so he turned to Thor. “Can I talk to you for a second? Alone?” 

Thor’s eyes strayed toward Loki. He looked like a kicked puppy. “Very well,” he said. “Loki…”

“Don’t come back,” Loki said savagely. “The sight of you makes me sick.”

Steve grabbed Thor’s arm before he could reply and pulled him out of the room. Thor looked forlornly over his shoulder as Steve moved them away until he was fairly sure they were out of earshot. 

“It is worse than I thought it would be,” Thor said, sounding distressed. “I knew he would be angry, but that his rage would be this strong…” Thor shook his head. “I had hoped once here he would settle. Once he understood that…you do not mean him harm.” 

Steve took a breath and let it out. “How much do you know about how exactly this binding spell works?”

Thor gave him an odd look. “I know he cannot hurt others and must do as you tell him. Why?” 

Steve grimaced. “I think we should talk. Can you go sit down in the main room on this floor? I need to… ask Loki something really quick.”

Thor gave him an even odder look, but nodded. “Is all well?” He asked. Steve rubbed his eyes. 

“Not exactly,” he said, “but I’ll explain in a minute. I’m fine. Things have just gotten a little complicated.” 

He waited for Thor to leave, though he was clearly reluctant, before knocking on Loki’s door. He heard footsteps and it was only a moment before the door was flung forcefully open. 

“Back already,” Loki started to snarl, and then blinked, jerking back. He took a quick step away from Steve, expression shifting from fury to a kind of tense wariness. 

“Hey,” Steve said after a moment of awkward silence. “I was just going to ask if you, um, needed anything.” Loki stared at him for a long moment, and Steve shifted. “Are you going to be in trouble if I don’t…give you something to do?”

“What are your orders,” Loki said after a brief pause. 

Steve looked at whatever Loki had thrown at Thor, which looked to be some kind of vase. Probably expensive. “How about you clean up in here,” he said, stomach twisting uneasily. He _hated_ this. “Would that be enough?” He realized that hadn’t actually been an order, and closed his eyes momentarily. “Clean up in here. Please.”

Loki nodded curtly. “As you command,” he said, with a kind of bitter, wry twist, and Steve took a breath slowly so he didn’t end up snapping at him. 

“I’m going to talk to Thor,” he said instead. “Explain what’s…going on. Maybe he can think of something that might help make this easier for both of us.” Loki said nothing, and after a long moment Steve sighed. “I’ll…come by later. Remember you can call if you need anything.” 

“Mm,” Loki said. 

He’d probably accept writhing on the floor screaming, Steve thought wearily, before calling for his help. There wasn’t anything he could say, though, so he just nodded and left to find Thor. There was a frown line set between his eyebrows when he turned to face Steve. 

“You wished to speak to me?” 

“Yeah,” Steve said. “About...Loki.” 

Thor’s expression flickered. “Has he caused you trouble? I can speak to him if-”

“Not exactly,” Steve said quickly. He was pretty sure there was nothing more likely to make Loki’s behavior worse than having Thor tell him off. “Well, yes, but - it’s not really his fault.” At least mostly. “This...binding. Is there any way to change it? Adjust the terms?”

Thor’s frown deepened. “I do not think so. The Council was...fairly clear.”

Steve let out a breath. Somewhere he’d hoped Loki was just being pessimistic. “It seems like there’s a lot they didn’t mention about how it works.” 

“How do you mean?” 

“Can we sit down?” Steve moved over to one of the couches without waiting for Thor’s answer. “For one thing, it doesn’t account for conflicting orders. So if I tell him to do one thing, but then ask for something that contradicts the first thing, he can’t just choose one. It has to be both, and he gets punished for disobeying if he can’t pull it off.” 

Thor blinked. “I...did not know that.” 

Steve shook his head. “I didn’t think you did. That’s not all, either - it seems to interpret things very broadly. If I’m not - extremely specific, it’ll cast as broad a net as possible. And it also makes it so if he doesn’t get an order within a certain time frame, it’ll start hurting him. And not...in a small way.” Steve glanced at Thor. “There might be more. I don’t know, because apparently most of this wasn’t actually explained to Loki. He’s been learning by trial and error.”

Thor looked pale, and in spite of himself Steve was reassured. It might not matter to Loki whether Thor had known what he was setting him up for, but it mattered to Steve. “Trial and error,” he said after a moment. “You mean - he knows something is not permitted only when it hurts him.” 

“Yeah,” Steve said. “Just about.” 

Thor came over and sat down. “Oh.”

“And Loki’s not exactly helping,” Steve said. “I think he’s just waiting for me to get tired and give up-”

Thor tensed. “Are you going to?”

“No,” Steve said firmly. “I’m not. But this - binding, this _curse_ \- it seems like it’s tailored specifically to cause pain, and I can’t be party to what’s essentially, under these conditions, torture.” 

Thor looked pained. “The Council will not change their minds. It was a struggle to get them to agree to this alternative at all.” 

“Then we’ll need to find some other loophole.” Steve rubbed his forehead. “I’ve been trying, but Loki’s…” Belatedly, he trailed off. Thor leaned forward slightly. 

“Loki is what?” 

Steve pulled a face. “He just seems determined to...he doesn’t seem to want to _try._ It’s like he thinks it’s inevitable that I’ll send him back to Asgard to be executed and he’d rather just get it over with.” Thor, to Steve’s surprise, flinched. 

“I will not allow it,” Thor said, his voice hard. 

“I know,” Steve said. “I wouldn’t ask you to.” He paused. “I think it might be better - at least for now - if you...didn’t try to talk to Loki.”

Thor’s expression shifted slowly, turning confused. “What?” 

“He’s...I don’t think he’ll take it well. Not while we’re still...sorting this through. Maybe once things have settled a bit more…” 

Thor’s face fell. “If I do not talk to him, how can I hope to explain what I was trying to do? To reconcile?” 

_I think Loki understands what you were trying to do, he just doesn’t like it,_ Steve thought, and he couldn’t exactly blame Loki for that. More diplomatically, he said, “I don’t think Loki’s in a reconciling mood right now. Just...wait a little while. He’ll cool off and then you can talk.” Steve wasn’t sure Loki _would_ cool off. But he certainly hoped so. 

Thor looked crestfallen. “I had hoped…”

“I know, buddy,” Steve said. “And I’m...really sorry. But right now…”

Thor sighed heavily. “I understand,” he said. 

“And what about...the conditions?” Steve asked, trying not to sound hopeful. “Can you think of any way they could be altered?” 

“I cannot,” Thor said. “But I know little of bindings and geases. That is...more Loki’s area of study than my own.”

And Loki didn’t seem inclined to be terribly cooperative. “Ah,” Steve said heavily. 

“But I can look,” Thor added quickly. “And think on it. I will do anything I might to help, my friend. You are doing me a great favor, and I know it.” 

Steve smiled faintly. “Thank you,” he said. “I really appreciate it, Thor. And I know this isn’t easy for you. If there’s anything I can do…”

“Simply tell me of him, sometimes,” Thor said, his voice almost plaintive. “How he does. While I cannot see him myself, that will be enough.” 

* * *

Steve gave Loki some time to cool off, hoping that would make things easier when he went back. Still, when he knocked on the door it was with some amount of nerves, and the feeling of being braced for a fight. 

Loki didn’t answer, and Steve felt a prickle of unease. He tried knocking again, and when there was still no response called through the door. “Loki? It’s me.” 

Still nothing. After a long hesitation, he opened the door slowly and stepped inside. The shattered pieces of what Loki had thrown at Thor were gone, but Steve’s eyes gravitated to a new hole in the wall, roughly fist sized. Uneasy, Steve moved slowly forward, but there was no sign of Loki himself. 

It seemed unlikely he’d left. However much he might’ve wanted out, he wouldn’t do that to himself. 

The minute Steve thought it. he realized that based on what he’d seen from Loki so far, he just might. 

Unease growing, he checked down the hallway, glancing through the open bathroom door and pausing in front of the bedroom. Almost holding his breath, he opened the door a crack and exhaled in relief to see Loki on the bed, curled up in a snarl of blankets. At first Steve took him for sleeping, but he realized with a start that his eyes were half open, staring at nothing. 

“Loki?” Steve said cautiously, but though he got a sluggish blink Loki didn’t really look at him. “I...talked to Thor. About trying to find a way to ease up on some of the...conditions. He really didn’t know how bad it was.” He realized even as he said it that Loki had said before it didn’t matter, that maybe it was even worse that Thor hadn’t tried to find out, and braced himself for backlash, but none came. Steve shifted uneasily. 

“Are you all right?” 

Loki blinked slowly. “No.” His voice sounded dull. 

“Is it...are you being punished for something?” 

“No.” 

Steve frowned. “Are you sick?”

“No.”

Steve felt a prickle of frustration. “Then what is it?” 

Loki’s eyes shifted toward Steve, eerily empty. “I want to sleep.” 

Steve’s skin prickled again. This felt wrong, and he knew why. The lassitude, the disinterest...too familiar. But he didn’t know what to do about it. “All right,” he said finally. “When you wake up...you should probably clean up the glass. And if you need...something else, come find me. JARVIS can tell you where.” 

“Yes,” Loki said, and closed his eyes. Steve hesitated a moment longer before leaving, closing the door behind him. 

Hopefully this mood was just the aftershocks of Thor’s return, and it would pass quickly.

* * *

It didn’t. 

Loki did precisely as Steve asked without batting an eyelash and then vanished. He was lethargic and responded in monosyllables, affectless, and the couple of times Steve went to check on him he was in bed, though he seldom seemed to be asleep. 

Steve was starting to miss the snapping and resentment. It was less unnerving than...this. 

He tried to mask it from Thor, though he wasn’t sure how successful he was, based on the increasingly worried expression on Thor’s face. He left again soon after for Asgard, promising to search for something that might help ease the terms of the binding. 

Halfway through the second week of Loki’s new state, Steve caught Loki’s arm before he could leave again. Loki stopped and turned back toward him without pulling away. 

“Was there something else?” 

Steve felt a brief spasm of regret and shoved it down. “Yes,” he said. “You’ve been...acting strange.” Loki looked blankly at Steve like he had no idea what he was talking about. “Has something changed?” 

“No,” Loki said. Steve inhaled and exhaled slowly. 

“I don’t necessarily mean...externally.” Loki’s expression was still blank, no matter how hard Steve looked for some kind of reaction. “You don’t seem...angry anymore,” Steve tried.

Loki shrugged. “Anger accomplishes nothing.”

_And this does?_ Steve considered his words carefully, but he was coming up blank. 

“Was there something else?” Loki repeated. 

Steve took a risk. “I’m worried about you.” 

Loki blinked, a brief flicker of expression appearing before vanishing just as fast. “Why?” 

“You’re my responsibility,” Steve said. “That means it’s my job to make sure your...needs are met.” Loki stared at him blankly again, and Steve rubbed his eyes. “I know you’re miserable. That seems to have gotten worse. If there’s something I can change, or do…” He trailed off, wishing he could tell what was going on in Loki’s head.

“You are my master,” Loki said finally, his voice still toneless. “Not my caretaker. May I go?” 

Steve let go, at a loss. “I know that’s what this Council is trying to make me,” he said, “but I’m trying to be something else.” Loki just stared at him, and Steve slumped. “If you think of something…”

“As you will,” Loki said.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Steve blurted out without thinking, and almost immediately realized what he’d said. “I mean - you don’t have to-”

Loki blinked at him. “I am thinking that this is my life now, and will be until the day you die, whereupon I will probably be remanded into Asgard’s custody and executed. There is nothing I can do to change this. My will is no longer my own and never will be again. My sole purpose from here forward is to perform what petty tasks you set me. What hours are left are wearisome and long. I see little point in trying to make more of them. I hate you, and Thor, and Asgard, but even that hatred does nothing but weary me. I wish that I had died when I fell from Asgard. I resent that I did not.” Another slow blink. “If you will permit it, I have a duty to attend to.” 

Steve rocked back. He stared at Loki, a little stunned. No reply occurred to him. 

“All right,” he said finally. “You can go.” At a loss for anything else. Feebly, he tried, “Is there anything you want?”

“No,” Loki said. He turned and walked away. Steve stared after him, misery sinking heavily on his shoulders. 

He went to find Natasha. 

“It makes him more manageable, doesn’t it?” she said bluntly when he explained what was going on. Steve gave her an unhappy look, and she sighed. “What do you want to do, Steve? It’s going to be a bit of a challenge to find a therapist for a depressed alien who tried to take over the world. How would you explain the situation? I don’t know that any level of patient confidentiality would cover that, even _if_ Loki would agree to it.”

Which, of course, he wouldn’t. Steve resisted the urge to put his head in his hands. 

“I can’t...deal with this,” he said. “I can’t be someone’s _slavemaster_ for the rest of my life, and I can’t just watch someone fall apart and do nothing, no matter who they are. But I can’t ask anyone else to take responsibility, and I can’t just give up and send Loki off to be executed-”

“Even if that’s exactly what he wants?” 

Steve pressed his lips together. “Is that what you’d do?” 

“In your position? Probably.” Natasha sighed. “Some people you can’t save, Steve. Not if they don’t want it. And some people if you try will only pull you down with them.” She met his eyes. “And Loki...he’s down now, but think about if he was in your position. How nice do you think he’d be? Or if he were free?”

“But he’s not,” Steve said. “He’s here. I have to try to do something.”

* * *

Steve pulled the chessboard out of the game cabinet in one of Tony’s many party rooms, folded it under his arm, and went to visit Loki. 

He knocked on the door, no longer surprised when he didn’t get an answer, and let himself in. The room smelled musty, stale, and after a moment Steve went over and opened the windows. Then he tapped on the closed bedroom door, waiting hopefully for a response. 

There was none, so he opened the door. Loki’s back was to him, almost buried in blankets. 

“Hey,” Steve said. “You awake?” 

There was a long moment where Loki didn’t move, and Steve had begun to half worry that he’d somehow just dropped dead when he rolled over. 

“Did you have an order?” He asked dully. 

“Not exactly,” Steve said. He raised the board he was holding under his arm. “An idea, actually. You’re smart, right? Smart people get bored. And there’s no rule that we know of that says I can only tell you to do onerous things. So what if we play a game?” 

Loki frowned slightly, which was at least an expression. “What?” 

“Well,” Steve said, determined. “It’d be something new that might be interesting, and it’d take a load off you having to do mind-numbing tasks all the time.” He found a weak smile. “It’s up to you. But it was a thought. Most of my friends aren’t board game people.”

The frown deepened, but Loki was actually looking at him. Steve waited. 

“You are asking me if I will allow you to order me to play a _game_ with you,” Loki said.

“Yes,” Steve said.

“And if I say no?” 

Steve felt a wave of disappointment. “Then...you say no. That’s fine.” 

Loki’s eyes narrowed, then his face relaxed back into apathetic neutrality. Steve was about to sigh and retreat, defeated, when he said, “yes.” 

Steve didn’t quite believe what he’d heard. “Yes?” He said, uncertain, and then scrambled before Loki could change his mind. “All right - I can set everything up in the main room.” 

Loki’s stare was still cool, almost icy. “You haven’t given an order yet.”

He was right, but it still felt...no matter how much he’d thought it out, trying to give Loki as much freedom as possible, in this, at least, he struggled to come up with a way that didn’t feel...well. Like what it was. 

“Play chess with me,” he said, finally, and added, hoping it would soften the blow, “please.”

Loki stood slowly. He looked like he’d lost weight, Steve noted critically, and briefly, half seriously, contemplated the idea of telling Loki to eat something, but decided that was a recipe for disaster. 

“After you,” Loki said. Steve went back out into the living room proper and sat down on the couch to start laying out the board. Loki followed and sat down across from him, his expression neutral.

Steve cleared his throat. “Black or white?” He asked. “White goes first.” 

Loki’s mouth quirked mirthlessly. “I may as well play the appropriate theme. Black.” 

Steve wondered if he should answer that, but decided against it. “All right,” he said. “So - have you ever played chess before?” 

It sounded like a stupid question the moment it was out, and predictably Loki just said, “No,” flatly.

“That’s...okay,” he said. “Well, the basic rules are pretty simple - it’s mostly about strategy. Trying to predict your opponent’s moves, anticipate them.” As he said it, it occurred to him that maybe this wasn’t the best thing to encourage, but he forged onward. “The goal is to capture your opponent’s king.” He tapped the piece, setting it down.

Loki cocked his head slightly to the side. “Interesting.” 

Steve blinked. “What is?” 

Loki raised his eyebrows, though most of his face remained expressionless. “That you would choose this game. A contest of rulers, one attempting to destroy the other.” 

Steve managed not to flinch. “It’s just a game. I thought you might enjoy something a little more complicated than tic-tac-toe.”

“Or do you want to test my grasp of strategy?” Loki’s voice was still that unnerving, bland, tone. Steve sighed and shook his head. 

“I just want to play a game. Do you want to hear the rules?” 

Loki hesitated, but then he made a slight gesture. Steve explained the ways the pieces moved and how checkmate worked. Loki listened silently, asking no questions and simply nodding when Steve asked if he understood. 

“All right,” he said slowly. “Then...want to start?” 

“By all means.” 

Steve made the first move with his pawn, wondering if he should try to go easy so Loki wouldn’t be upset if he lost or assume Loki would know and be insulted. 

Loki pushed his pawn forward to stall Steve’s, expression disinterested again. Steve tried not to sigh. He wanted this to work. _Needed_ it to. He needed some kind of victory. 

All right, Steve thought. Better to give Loki something to focus on. Maybe even something to be frustrated about. He wouldn’t like losing, and he didn’t have experience. Playing to win it was. 

As the game went on, Steve watched Loki closely and observed a change. First it was a faint furrow between his eyebrows, then movement: he leaned forward and sat back, staring at the board with narrowed eyes. He huffed in apparent annoyance when Steve claimed one of his knights. He was intent, focused. Steve almost grinned when Loki caught Steve’s rook and actually smiled, even if it vanished fast since he’d missed the queen protecting it. 

But at least it was a _feeling._ At least he was engaged in something, paying attention, and it didn’t seem like the binding was bothering him. He wasn’t even sniping at Steve. 

“Checkmate,” Steve said with satisfaction, and Loki let out an explosive breath. He blinked, seeming faintly surprised, and then sat back. 

“Damn,” he murmured. “Well, in a few rounds-”

He cut off. Between one second and the next his expression shuttered. Steve could have groaned. 

“Sure,” he said, attempting a smile. “You’ll probably pick it up pretty quick.”

Loki gave him a flat-eyed stare. It wasn’t quite the blank misery of before, but it didn’t give him anything else, either. Steve managed not to sigh. 

“Did it work?” He asked.

“Did what work?” 

“Was it good enough for the binding to ease off?” 

Loki looked at him with the faintest expression like he was searching for a hint about what Steve might want. “It seems so.”

Steve exhaled in relief. “That’s good,” he said. “That’s...really good. It means there’s more range. So if there are things you want to do and you tell me, I can turn it around into an order. That’ll give you more room, more freedom.” 

“An illusion of freedom,” Loki said, and for a moment there was bitterness in his voice, but then it was gone and he just looked tired. “Beg pardon. Thank you.”

Steve was pretty sure that was the first time Loki had ever actually _thanked_ him. Here and now it just made his skin prickle uneasily. “You’re welcome,” he said slowly. “I’m happy to...come again. There are other games, too, or books...what kinds of things did you do on Asgard?” 

Loki made a faint sound in the back of his throat and looked away. “Most recently, treason,” he said distantly, and stood. “Did you wish anything else of me?” 

Steve felt his heart sink. “Do you need anything else?”

Loki made a quiet sound it took Steve a moment to register as a laugh. “Nothing you can give,” he said, and turned his back. Steve squeezed his eyes closed. 

“Wait,” he said. Loki paused. “I was going to go to the park tomorrow. Would you like to come?” He hadn’t, in fact, been planning on going. But maybe it would help for Loki to get some fresh air. 

Loki turned his head, still not quite looking at Steve. “Outside,” he said, toneless. Steve tried not to cringe.

“Yeah,” he said. “It’s supposed to be a nice day.”

Loki was holding very still. “Why are you doing this?” He asked abruptly. 

Steve exhaled harshly. “Is it really that hard to believe that I don’t want you to be miserable?”

Loki’s silence answered that question. Steve felt a surprising pang, wondering if Loki had always doubted common decency or if that was new. He rubbed his eyes. “You’re a prisoner and you can’t hurt anyone. That’s enough for me. And like it or not, I’m responsible for you. And that makes it my job to - make sure you’re taken care of, too. Even prisoners have rights.”

“Slaves don’t.”

“Look,” Steve said, “maybe I can’t change your sentence, and maybe it doesn’t matter, but this, your situation, goes against everything I believe in. And since I can’t accept you dying, I want to find a way to make it something I can - _we_ can - live with.” Loki was silent, and Steve exhaled loudly. “I just want to help.”

Loki was just quiet. Steve slumped. 

“Thanks,” he said finally. “For the game.”

“If you meant it,” Loki said, cautious and hesitant, “I could accept your offer.” 

If that wasn’t just about the hedgiest agreement Steve had ever heard. “I meant it,” he said. “I’ll...come get you. Mid-morning work?” 

“As you will.” 

Steve hesitated a moment longer before he decided he should quit while he was ahead and beat a hasty retreat. Progress, he told himself. He’d take it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little more than a month! That's not...that bad. (Better than my other WIPs, I can tell you that, though kind of embarrassing because this was technically _written_ , just...needed some tweaking. That took a long time. O well.
> 
> Thanks so much to you all for your enthusiastic responses to this fic - it's beyond what I ever expected, and I'm deeply honored. No, seriously. I'm Bad at responding to comments, but know that I read every single one of them, sometimes repeatedly. (Often repeatedly.)
> 
> So thank you. And especial thanks always to my [beta](http://ameliarating.tumblr.com), who has a life of her own and yet still edits literal thousands of words for me. What a hero. 
> 
> Now on with the show.

“You’re taking Loki for a _literal_ walk in the park? Really?” 

Steve sighed, winced, and looked down. “Hey, Clint.” 

“So that’s a yes. _Jesus._ I was hoping Nat was playing a prank on me. Were you going to say anything or just-”

Steve turned around. “It’s not...it’s just a walk. We’re not going far, and he can’t do anything to make trouble.” 

“You think,” Clint snapped. “You don’t know him, Steve. He’s smart and ruthless and _insane._ Whatever Asgard might think they’ve done, there’s no way to make Loki _safe._ He doesn’t even have to attack anyone to make trouble, and whatever act he’s putting on-”

“He’s not,” Steve said. He shook his head. “What did Natasha tell you? About how this - _thing_ works?” 

“We don’t talk about it much,” Clint said flatly. “She said he was confined here. Left it at that. Believe it or not, Loki’s not exactly my favorite subject.” 

“I know,” Steve said, feeling a deep pang of guilt. “And I understand. But...Asgard was pretty thorough. You have to know I wouldn’t put anyone at risk if I thought there was any danger.” 

“It’s Loki,” Clint said. “There’s always danger.” 

“I can understand why you think that-”

“I don’t _think,_ ” Clint interrupted. “I _know._ He was in _my_ head. He’s playing you, Steve. Getting you to feel sorry for him. You need to get away from him now while you still can.”

“That’s too bad,” Steve said, hearing the anger that leaked into his voice, “because I can’t. I can’t just shut him up and leave him, because any time Loki’s idle a clock starts ticking. I don’t know how long it takes, exactly, until the muscle cramps and vomiting start. But I can tell you it’s ugly. The backlash for _disobedience_ is a little better, though considering what it might take to make Loki flinch, I don’t know how much. But sure, I’ll walk away. Tell Thor it’s too hard and he’d better get used to the idea of watching his brother die.”

Clint looked shocked for a fraction of a second. Then he looked away. “This shouldn’t be on you,” he said. “You’re not cut out for it.” 

“And someone else is?” Steve shook his head. “If anyone felt ‘cut out’ to be Loki’s master, I’m pretty sure they’d be the last person I’d trust with him.” He met Clint’s eyes. “I have to live with this now. And I need to find a way I _can_ live with this. Right now...right now that means trying to find a way to keep Loki from jumping off a cliff.”

He expected Clint to argue with that, to say Loki was faking it, or it couldn’t be that bad, but he was quiet, staring unhappily at the floor.

“I’m sorry,” Steve said sincerely. “I wish there was a better way.”

Clint grimaced. “Yeah,” he said. “Me too.” He turned hard on his heel and left. Steve let him go, pretty sure it wouldn’t do any good to try going after him. 

He really hoped Thor came back soon with some fresh ideas. But for now…

Loki was already dressed when Steve went to get him. His hair was pulled back in a way that made his face look sharper. It wasn’t much of a disguise. 

“Can you...use your, um, magic to make yourself look different?” Steve asked. 

Loki half turned toward him. “No.” 

Steve blinked. “Why not?” 

“Part of the binding on me. I suppose the Council thought it would provide too much opportunity for mischief.” Loki’s voice was flat and taut, but Steve saw his shoulders slump slightly. He added, “it seems unlikely that anyone would recognize me like this. Doesn’t it?” 

There was something almost pleading, briefly, in the way Loki asked. He wanted this, Steve thought, and was trying not to show how much. 

“All right,” he said slowly. “You’re...you might be right.” After all, people only sometimes recognized Steve himself when he wasn’t in uniform. A matter of context, or maybe the fact that they didn’t really see him so much as the suit. Not many people in New York would’ve seen him up close, and the footage from Stuttgart was blurry and shaky. Loki didn’t turn, obviously waiting. “If you’re ready, we can leave.” 

Loki turned slowly, still tense, clearly waiting. Steve cleared his throat. 

“Is there something else?” 

“You need to…” Loki trailed off. There were lines of tension around his eyes and mouth, Steve realized. No, not tension. Pain. 

“Come with me,” Steve said quickly, wishing he could soften the words. “Sorry, I wasn’t…”

Loki’s expression relaxed, the tension fading away. His lips twisted in a quick, tight smile that made Steve’s stomach clench. “At your will,” he said simply. 

Steve tried not to sigh and just turned away to take the elevator down. 

* * *

Steve was surprised by how close Loki stuck by him as they walked out, but as he watched him out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the way Loki’s head swiveled back and forth, his body language all tense and watchful. 

“It’s all right,” he said, trying to sound reassuring. Loki gave him a quick, sharp look. 

“An easy assurance for you to make,” he said. Steve blinked. 

“What do you think is going to happen? You said no one would recognize you.” 

Loki’s expression tightened and then relaxed. He shrugged, too casually. “That hardly means I am unconcerned. Besides, it is...loud. Chaotic.” 

Steve knew how that felt, but he was fairly certain that wasn’t the end of it. He frowned in Loki’s direction, part him tempted to just say _tell me,_ but he wasn’t going to misuse his power like that. At least not yet, when he didn’t even know if it was truly important. 

“You get used to it,” he said. Loki glanced at him. 

“You have,” he said, not a question. Steve tried not to tense at the reminder that Loki knew more about him than Steve wanted him to. He didn’t answer, too aware that anything he said could be used as a weapon against him later. While Loki might be more polite now, that didn’t mean that couldn’t change, and change fast. 

“You’re my responsibility,” Steve said after another pause. “That means I’ll protect you if something goes wrong.” He considered for a fraction of a second whether he should give Loki the ability to defend himself if attacked, but he wasn’t sure that he could _do_ that - and even if he could, there were too many ways that might go wrong. If Loki provoked someone verbally into attacking…

Better to just leave it alone. 

“My hero,” Loki said, painfully dry. Steve couldn’t help a startled laugh, and the look Loki gave him was, if possible, even more startled. That was oddly satisfying. 

Still, he steered them toward the park, figuring that if Loki was stressed by loud noises it might be good to find somewhere quieter. Loki closed down again after that brief flash of life, though he still walked like - well, a king. Steve kept a half an eye on him but didn’t try to prompt him to talk, at least not for a while. 

“Good to be out?” He said eventually. Loki gave him a quick sidelong glance like he was assessing the question for traps. 

“I suppose.” 

“If you want to leave the tower, you can always ask,” Steve said. “Obviously someone has to go with you, but...you don’t have to stay shut in all the time.”

Wary, wary, wary. “Is that so?” 

“As far as I’m concerned.” Loki gave him that sideways look again, like he was trying to sort something out. Steve tried a smile. “And I’m in charge here, right?” 

Loki’s eyes snapped forward and his expression slammed closed again. “Of course.” 

_Dammit._ “I didn’t mean it like that,” Steve said. “I’m not trying to, to rub it in.”

“You do not need to,” Loki said dully. “I know that I belong to you.”

“That’s not-” Steve made a frustrated noise and stopped. “I know that’s how this is supposed to work. But I’m trying to give you as much leeway as possible. I’m trying to treat you like - you can’t _own_ people. People aren’t _things._ ”

Loki’s expression spasmed very slightly. “They can be made into things.” 

“No,” Steve said firmly. “They can’t. And you - I’d think you’d know that. This is an awful situation but it doesn’t make you not a person. So that’s all I’m treating you like. A person.”

The look Loki was giving him, like that was the strangest thing he’d heard in his life, was sort of...upsetting. Steve held his ground, though, keeping a stubborn gaze directly on him.

After a long moment Loki glanced away. “As you say,” he said, which wasn’t exactly what Steve had been hoping for. He sighed. 

“This way,” he said finally, turning to go deeper into the park. “There’s a lake, if that sounds good to you.” Loki shrugged, and Steve could have groaned. He searched for a topic that might be safe. Asking anything about Asgard seemed like a bad idea, and anything personal maybe even more so. 

“Have you been learning anything about Earth?” He asked, finally. Loki glanced at him sidelong. 

“And how would I do that?” He asked after a long moment. Steve blinked. 

“Did you not…” He checked himself, frowning. “Didn’t Tony give you a StarkPad, or something?” 

Loki’s expression, if possible, flattened further. “I don’t know what that is.” 

Steve was beginning to feel the now familiar weight of guilt in his stomach. “You…” He exhaled. “They’re a kind of...device, a mini-computer - do you know what a computer is?” 

“I’ve gathered.” 

“Tony’s company makes them. They’re pretty incredible little things.” He gave a weak smile. “Weren’t around when I was a kid, but now it seems like everyone has one.”

“No,” Loki said after a moment. “I don’t think I was provided with anything like that.” 

Steve closed his eyes briefly, breathed in, and breathed out. “Right,” he said. “So...what have you been doing?”

Loki’s jaw shifted. “Must I give an accounting of my hours?” 

“No,” Steve said quickly. “Not like that, just…” He rubbed his forehead. “There’s a TV in your room, right?” 

“I haven’t the faintest idea how to work it,” Loki said, and there was a trace of emotion in his voice again, anger, frustration, and an undercurrent of defiance. Steve paused and turned toward him. 

“Really? I assumed…well, if Asgard’s technology is so much more advanced than ours…”

Loki’s expression twitched, his nostrils flaring, but otherwise there was barely a flicker to give away his emotions and his voice was smooth once again. “Yes,” he said. “Exactly.” 

It took a few minutes for Steve to understand, and then it sunk in. There were kids these days that barely seemed to know what a telegram was. In 50 years, or 500…

“Oh,” he said. “I...you could’ve said something.” Loki said nothing, and Steve sighed. Of course he hadn’t. Of course he _wouldn’t._ He probably thought it’d been a deliberate move to taunt him, instead of just - thoughtlessness. 

Steve rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ll...show you how it works, when we get back. And - I can set you up so you can get some books for yourself, if you want. And if there’s anything else you need, or don’t know how to use, or anything...I’m serious. You can ask.”

Loki was giving him that odd look again that made something ache a little in Steve’s chest. He had to remind himself that this was the same Loki who had done so much damage, not long ago at all. 

“What would you have done?” Steve asked abruptly. Loki’s eyebrows pulled together, and Steve clarified, “if you’d...won. Beaten us. Conquered the Earth.” 

Loki looked away. “As I didn’t, the hypothetical seems irrelevant.” 

“I’m just curious,” Steve said. “Did you have some kind of plan? For afterwards?” Loki said nothing, staring straight ahead. 

“I wouldn’t have,” he said suddenly, voice quiet. Steve frowned. 

“Wouldn’t have what?” 

“Won.” Loki’s lips twisted very slightly before smoothing out again. “Even had I managed to take control of your planet - a more complicated task than I would have expected, given your lack of centralized power - there are, or were, three probable outcomes.” He ticked them off on his fingers. “One: the Chitauri turned on me, killed me, and razed your world to the ground. Two: Asgard intervened by sending an army in force. It would take longer, and perhaps I could have preempted it by attempting to invade Asgard using the Tesseract, but it would have been a doomed enterprise. Three: some combination of one and two. Or, I suppose, four: one of your people eventually got lucky and assassinated me.” 

Steve blinked. It was a thorough and surprisingly bleak forecast, and raised another question. “If you knew that, then why did you try at all?” 

Loki raised an eyebrow. “Have you never attempted anything, knowing you would fail, but determined to make the attempt anyway?”

“I guess,” Steve said slowly. Plenty of fights, when he’d been a ninety-pound asthmatic. When he’d known he’d lose but fighting was still worth it. “But I usually have a _reason._ Something that’s too important not to take the risk.” 

Loki opened his mouth and then closed it. When he spoke, Steve thought he had changed what he was going to say. “Spite is a powerful motivator,” he said almost distantly. “Win or lose, attacking this world would hurt Thor.”

Steve stopped, turning toward Loki and frowning. “And that’d be worth dying for?” Something was missing. Some piece he couldn’t quite fit. “Doesn’t seem like a very good reason to me.”

“It wouldn’t,” Loki said. “You aren’t mad.”

_I don’t think you are, either,_ Steve thought, but he didn’t think saying so would get him anywhere. He set the question aside to ponder more later. He was sure there was something Loki wasn’t telling him.

Of course, there were probably a lot of things Loki wasn’t telling him, but this seemed important. 

* * *

Loki relaxed slowly, minutely, as they walked. Steve let the conversation lapse, because Loki didn’t seem to mind the quiet - the watchful, nervous swiveling of his head gave way to something more like curiosity. Watching everything, almost drinking it in. 

Steve let him do it, trying not to watch too closely, though there was something vaguely...not _endearing,_ exactly, but something, about Loki pausing to watch a bird on a tree branch, cocking his head to the side and just looking at it until it flew away. It made Steve think, almost against his will, about what Loki might have been like before all of this. Back when he’d just been Thor’s brother, before whatever had happened to make him decide that dying was worth it if it meant spiting Thor. 

Before he’d been sent to Earth for what was, if Loki was right, a painfully protracted death sentence.

“What?” Loki said, tense and defensive, and Steve realized he’d been staring and looked quickly away.

“Nothing,” he said. “I was just thinking.” 

Loki’s lips twisted a little. “Clearly not about anything that pleased you,” he said, but looked away. Steve wished he dared say anything about what he’d been thinking, but he didn’t want to get his head bitten off. Not now, when they were doing so well. Loki didn’t look relaxed, exactly, but with his hands tucked in his pockets, the sun making his black hair shine, dressed down in a t-shirt and jeans - it was as close as Steve had ever seen him get.

Watching Loki walk had made him think of something else, though. “Are you getting enough exercise?” He asked. Loki gave him one of those quick sidelong looks that Steve was starting to realize meant he was looking for the catch. 

“Pardon?” 

“Exercise,” Steve repeated. “I realized that I hadn’t actually thought about...I guess you can’t have been getting much.” Not stuck in one room except when he was actively doing work of some kind or another. 

_There’s a lot you didn’t think about,_ a snide voice said at the back of Steve’s mind. It sounded faintly like Loki. 

“Are there things you enjoy - or used to enjoy, I guess - doing for exercise?” He asked. Loki was quiet, and Steve shifted. “If you don’t want to answer…”

“I had...routines. Patterns I went through as part of weapons training and then because they kept me strong and limber. I rode horses, hiked, swam.” He made a sort of stuttering sound in the back of his throat Steve belatedly realized was a laugh. “Wrestled with Thor. Though he always won.” That brief, dark touch in his voice, though it was swept quickly away behind Loki’s usual mask. 

Steve should have known better than to bring up anything containing the words “used to.” He faltered, forcing a smile. “Bad question, I guess,” he said. Loki’s lips twisted toward a wry smile, though it didn’t reach his eyes. Steve blew out a breath. “I think...if I know Tony, he’s probably got a swimming pool somewhere on the premises. I could find out, if you want.” 

“I would not be able to go unsupervised,” Loki said. 

“We can get around that,” Steve said, hearing the stubborn note in his own voice. “I should’ve thought of this before now. I’m sorry. You have a right to stay active.” Loki said nothing, though his expression tightened briefly. “What?” Steve asked, stopping. 

“Nothing,” Loki said. “I would...appreciate it. If you would ask.” 

“I will,” Steve said, relieved, though he wasn’t sure he bought that _nothing._ “We can make it part of a routine. Even something that I tell you to do so you don’t get in trouble for it.” Loki was giving him that odd look again, somewhere between considering and concerned. Steve looked back at him, this time just waiting. 

“You are not what I would have expected,” Loki said quietly.

_Low standard,_ Steve thought, but he just said, “thank you, I think.”

“Most people in your position would be eager to exact retribution,” Loki said. “Or else, upon finding it inconvenient, or tiring of revenge, would simply rid themselves of the...obstacle.” It was a little unnerving to hear Loki refer to himself that way, as _the obstacle,_ but Steve didn’t interrupt. “At the most generous, simple exploitation without guilt.”

“I think you underestimate people,” Steve said. 

“Or you overestimate them,” Loki said. “After all, it was _people_ who laid this geas on me to begin with, and decided on the terms.”

“I’m not denying that there’s cruelty in the world,” Steve said. “There’s plenty of it. But that’s not all there is, and not everyone - maybe not even _most_ people - want to make others suffer.” Loki made a sort of _hm_ noise. 

“You are an idealist,” he said. “You want to believe the best of your fellows, so you see it.” 

“And maybe you want to believe the worst,” Steve countered, “so that’s what you see.”

Loki shrugged one shoulder. “Maybe,” he said after a moment, and Steve had to keep himself from starting. 

“You admit that I might be right?” Steve said, hoping he sounded at least a little like he was teasing.

“A lot of things are possible,” Loki said, which sounded like it was almost a joke. Steve couldn’t help a little laugh, more out of surprise than anything else. 

* * *

Steve chewed on the thought for a few days before he brought it to Natasha. “I think there’s something Loki’s not telling us about his invasion,” he said. She paused the TV and twisted to look at him. 

“I’m sure there is,” she said. “He hasn’t told us much - which was actually something I wanted to bring up to you. But what are you talking about?” 

“I asked him what he would’ve done if he’d succeeded,” Steve said. “He said he wouldn’t have. One of the outcomes he proposed was that the Chitauri might’ve killed him. I asked why he tried if he didn’t think he could succeed, and he didn’t really give me an answer.” 

Natasha’s eyebrows crept up. “What are you suggesting?” 

“Well - there must’ve been something he wanted to come here, right? It just...doesn’t seem to make sense that Loki’d attack us just to get back at Thor when he didn’t really think he could _win._ ”

“Maybe he did think he could then,” Natasha countered, “and it’s only in retrospect he’s realized otherwise.” 

“I don’t know,” Steve said. “I just have a feeling that there’s...something else going on.” 

“Hm.” Natasha sat back. “Well, maybe that dovetails with what I was going to ask you. We need intel that Loki has.”

Steve hesitated. “‘We’, the Avengers, or ‘we’, SHIELD?” 

Natasha shrugged. “Both. Either. But let’s start with the former, since SHIELD still doesn’t know about this arrangement and I think it’s better that they don’t.” Steve had to agree with that. He didn’t want to think too hard about what they might want to do with a Loki who was bound to obey commands and couldn’t fight back. “We need to know more about what’s out there, what they’re capable of. More about the Tesseract, and that scepter of his. More about Asgard.” 

“Thor,” Steve started, and Natasha shook her head. 

“I think we should know the things Thor might not want to tell us. Asgard’s his home, but we can’t ignore the possibility that even if Thor’s friendly, _it_ might not be.” 

Steve took a deep breath. “And you want me to...order Loki to answer your questions,” he said. Natasha half smiled. 

“To answer our questions _truthfully,_ yes. It’s more polite than some of the other methods of getting information. And presumably more reliable.” 

Steve winced at the oblique reference to torture, and bit down on saying something about it. Wondering a little irritably if the reminder of the alternative was meant to make him feel better about what was just another kind of force. “I’d rather not.” 

Natasha cocked her head to the side. “There are things we need to know that only he can tell us. Do you really think he’ll say anything willingly?” 

“I don’t know,” Steve said, “but I’m trying _not_ to use this thing in ways I don’t need to. And that feels...it’d be useful, but it’d also be invasive.” Natasha narrowed her eyes slightly, and Steve pushed forward. “If I have to live with this,” he said, “I need to do it in a way that doesn’t make me feel sick.”

Natasha leaned forward. “I can respect that,” she said, “but Steve - this is _important._ ”

“Then I’ll ask him,” Steve said stubbornly. “I’ll explain what you want to know-”

“And he’ll laugh in your face,” Natasha said. “Or lie. Steve - think about it from his point of view. We’ve got him on a leash and collar. It’s humiliating, demeaning, particularly to someone who’s as proud as he is. If he sees a chance, no matter how small, to get back at us - he’ll take it.” 

“Everything you just said,” Steve said, “that’s why we need to _not_ do this. Because taking advantage of that - _collar and leash_ is only going to make things worse. I’ve been trying to give him a little more free rein and he’s _responding_ to it - and if this is going to continue, don’t you think it’s better to try to get him on our side than make him hate us more?” 

“Do you think that’s possible, Steve? Or do you just hope it is?” Natasha sighed. “Fine. You’re stubborn enough that you can probably outlast me on this. We’ll try it your way, but if it doesn’t work, or Loki’s intel sounds fishy to me...then we do it my way. If it makes it easier for you, we can tell him I’m making you do it.” 

Steve shook his head. “I wouldn’t do that.” 

“I know you wouldn’t.” Natasha gave him a crooked smile. “I respect what you’re trying to do, Steve. I do. I don’t know that it’s going to do any good, in the long run, but...I respect you for trying.” 

“Thanks,” Steve said, a little dryly. 

“You’re welcome.” Natasha stood up and stretched. “Let’s call it for day after tomorrow, all right? That gives you some time to explain what we’re asking to our recalcitrant guest.” 

Steve was already dreading trying. He was more worried than anything that Natasha might be right about what Loki would do. 

* * *

More bad news arrived later that afternoon in the form of Thor returning, his expression grim and angry. The thunderstorm that heralded his arrival didn’t let up when he came inside. 

“The Council will not change its ruling,” he said flatly. “They stand fast by the conditions.” 

Steve frowned, wishing he hadn’t mentioned anything to Loki. “You explained…”

“I tried to,” Thor interrupted. “They wouldn’t listen. And when they would not listen I went to Odin, and he said that there was nothing he could do. Nothing! As though he does not have the final word on all things-” A crack of thunder sounded overhead, loud enough that Steve almost jumped, and Thor cut himself off and took a deep breath. “My apologies. I will...control myself.” 

Steve sank down onto the nearest couch. He hadn’t realized how much he’d been hoping this could be a solution until it was snatched away. “And there’s nothing we can do from here? To...deconstruct the spell?” Something occurred to him, and he sat up. “Could Loki, if he could do magic…”

“I doubt it,” Thor said heavily. “That would be too easy a loophole for him to exploit. In my understanding, he is not even able to perceive the magic that makes up the binding, precisely so that he cannot try to undo it.” 

Steve slumped back. “Thank you for trying,” he said. “I guess we’ll...just have to figure something else out.” 

Thor hesitated, almost hovering. “How...how is he?” 

“All right,” Steve said after a moment. “Better. Maybe. I’ve figured out some ways to...make things more bearable, I think, and it seems to be helping. At least a little.” Though of course now that he’d _said_ that, Steve thought with a certain amount of superstitious cynicism, it would probably change. He hesitated, though, and then asked, “do you know anything about why Loki attacked Earth?” 

“For the Tesseract,” Thor said promptly, “and because he knew I am fond of it.” 

Steve frowned. “Does he...would Loki usually try something if he knew he’d fail at it?” 

Thor gave him a brief, sharp, look. “Why do you ask?” 

“Just wondering,” Steve said. “Something he said.”

Steve could tell Thor wanted to ask. “I would not think so,” he said slowly. “The opposite, really. He always preferred to only undertake tasks when he was certain he could succeed. He used to say…” Thor’s expression spasmed slightly. “He used to say that I thought there was no such thing as a losing battle, and I ought to choose them more carefully.” 

Steve frowned. That certainly didn’t fit with what Loki had said, and if a lot had obviously changed from the person Thor was describing...Loki was obviously proud. That was still true, at least. There were a few possibilities Steve could think of, and he didn’t like any of them. 

“Right,” he said, and then paused. “Did Loki ever say anything about working with someone else? On the other side of the portal?”

Thor sat down across from Steve. “Other than the Chitauri? No.” He narrowed his eyes. “What did Loki say to you?” 

“Just some stuff that makes me wonder if there was more to his plan than he let on,” Steve said. “I don’t know. The more I think about it, the more it doesn’t fit together. Where did Loki find that scepter to begin with? How did he know about the Tesseract being on Earth? And his whole attack on New York - it doesn’t seem very well planned. If he’s as smart as you’ve said he is…”

Thor was frowning, now, too. “You’re right,” he said. “It does seem strange.”

“So I just...wonder what we’re missing.” 

“I did ask him if there was someone working through him, but he never answered.” Thor leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “And I…” He made a bit of a face. “Grew distracted. It was more pressing to simply stop him, at first, and then...I forgot. And he never _said_ that he didn’t act alone, so I assumed…”

Steve chewed on the inside of his cheek. “Huh,” he said, after a moment. “Maybe he didn’t say because he didn’t want to admit he wasn’t acting alone. And if someone _did_ send him...then why? And were _they_ stupid, or…”

Thor’s eyebrows pulled further together. “Do you think Loki was sabotaging his own invasion?” 

“I don’t know,” Steve said. “But I think I’d better ask.” And hope Loki actually gave him an answer. An _honest_ answer. He was almost tempted to use the binding to make sure, but like he’d told Natasha…

“Tell me what he says,” Thor said, still frowning. “You’re right. Something does not fit, here, and whatever it is Loki is holding back...it seems like something we should know.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! From outer space! 
> 
> Next chapter - and unfortunately here is where we hit the end of what I had written before I started posting. Updates from here on out may be slower, at least until I winnow down my number of WIPs a little. (Ha, ha.) But we're starting to hit the stride of this fic, too, I think - there's a little bit of plot showing its face. 
> 
> Thanks always to [my incredible beta](http://ameliarating.tumblr.com). If you want more of me, hit me up on everyone's favorite garbage fire of a website: [Tumblr](http://veliseraptor.tumblr.com).

Steve would have put off approaching Loki with Natasha’s request to talk in the hopes that he could continue drawing Loki out before pushing him on something he undoubtedly wasn’t going to like, except that he couldn’t exactly avoid him, and he knew better than to think he could pretend there wasn’t something going on. And if Loki sussed that out, and Steve wouldn’t say - well, Steve knew by now that Loki jumped straight to worst case scenarios. 

He didn’t want to lose the (very, very) tentative peace they currently seemed to have. 

(And if it was a peace built on a foundation that still made Steve sick to think about - he was _trying._ There had to be something that would work. Maybe Tony could figure something out, if Asgard wouldn’t bend. If there was a binding, there must be something to break.)

At least, he supposed, if he was going to come bearing bad news, he might as well bring something else. He got a Starkpad from Tony - a new one, with all the bells and whistles - though he didn’t mention who it was for. Armed with that, and braced for the worst, Steve went to Loki. Based on Steve’s estimated clock, he’d need something new to do soon anyway.

‘Something new to do.’ Steve could almost hear Loki’s derisive snort. _Call it what it is, Captain._

He pushed that aside and knocked twice, Starkpad in its box tucked under his arm.

Loki answered the door and Steve blinked in surprise. He was wearing nothing but a robe that looked like it was made for someone quite a bit shorter, based on the fact that it barely hit at mid-thigh. It was belted at the waist, but that didn’t do much to cover his chest, especially given the way it was slipping off one narrow shoulder. 

“Um,” Steve said, and shook himself. “Am I...interrupting?” 

“No,” Loki said. “I was just taking a shower. What do you want?”

“Do you want to get dressed first?” Steve asked, a little self conscious. Loki looked down at himself as though he’d forgotten what he was wearing.

“Ah,” he said. “I suppose this is not exactly guest appropriate clothing. Give me a moment to change, then.”

Steve went inside after a pause. His eyes kept straying in Loki’s direction, though he tried hard to keep them off him. He did notice a long scar running from Loki’s knee across his thigh and up, vanishing under the robe. It looked ugly, like it had laid open flesh almost to the bone.

He coughed and turned his back, feeling like he’d seen something he shouldn’t have. “I’m going to get a glass of water.”

Steve waited until he heard Loki walk away to exhale. He set down the Starkpad on the counter, filled a glass from the sink and turned around only when he heard Loki coming back, only to realize that he was still buttoning his shirt. Despite the enforced idleness, and the fact that he’d lost weight, he looked good. Lean and wiry, the grace with which he moved only drawing the eye more.

Steve shook that thought away, disconcerted.

“Natasha wants to ask you some questions,” he said, focusing on Loki’s face. 

“Naturally,” Loki said. “I’m surprised she hasn’t before now.” 

“She asked me to...um. Make sure that you were honest.” 

Loki’s expression didn’t change. “Also unsurprising,” he said.

“I told her I’d rather not compel you like that,” Steve said, and Loki looked at him sharply, plainly surprised. Steve gave him a tight smile. “I’m trying to...not exploit this... _thing._ Remember?”

“What did Romanova make of that?” Loki asked, slowly. 

“She said she’d go with my way - just asking,” Steve said. “And...at least try it out.” 

Loki leaned back on his heels. “She won’t believe me.” 

“It’s not just up to her to decide if you’re telling the truth,” Steve said. “I’ll be there too.”

Loki studied him for a long moment, then walked over to the kitchen and filled his own glass of water, slowly. “What does she want to ask?” 

Steve hesitated. If he told Loki what Natasha wanted to know now, that’d give him time to decide if he wanted to lie, and what lie to tell. “I’m not sure,” he said. “Intel, I guess. About the Chitauri, maybe. She’s the spy.” 

Loki sipped his water, eyes on Steve startlingly direct. “You could,” he said. “Compel me.” Steve blinked, and Loki flicked a hand in a dismissive little gesture. “To answer, I mean. Or to be truthful.”

“I know I _could,_ ” Steve said slowly. “But I don’t want to.”

Loki gave him that look again, like Steve had taken him by surprise, that Steve was starting to find sort of depressing. “Why not?” 

“I just…” Steve exhaled. “I don’t want to. It feels wrong. Even if it’d be - I know you’d say - for your own good…” He took a deep breath, and let it out, then looked squarely at Loki. “I’d rather give you the chance to tell the truth on your own.” 

Loki’s eyebrows pulled together, then smoothed out. “Knowing that me and the truth are only passing acquaintances?” 

Steve smiled crookedly. “Maybe this is your chance to get more familiar.”

Loki glanced away, but he looked, to Steve’s eye at least, like he was thinking. At the very least he wasn’t dismissing the idea out of hand. Or, and Steve thought this was more interesting, leaping to agree. Maybe he just thought he wouldn’t be able to lie to Natasha. Or maybe he was trying to decide if he was willing to be truthful.

“Perhaps it is,” he said, finally. “I have a feeling my agreement, as such, was a foregone conclusion, but we will see if I can’t find it in myself to be honest.”

Not so long ago, Steve would have thought he was being mocked by that answer. Now, he thought he could hear the dry, self-deprecating humor in it. He felt his expression twitch. “Really going out on a limb there,” he said. One of Loki’s eyebrows rose.

“I try not to make extravagant promises.” 

Steve tried not to smile, then wondered why he was stopping himself and did. Loki looked faintly surprised. As usual, that surprise was both sort of sad and more than a little satisfying. After a moment he cleared his throat. 

“I also figured that while I was here…” He lifted up the box he’d brought. “Got you something. I thought I could give you a bit of a tutorial.”

The surprise melted away and the wariness came back. “A tutorial,” he said, like there might be a hidden meaning in the words.

“Yeah,” Steve said, trying not to be discouraged. “Show you a few things about how to use the TV, the StarkPad…”

“Ah,” Loki said. “Yes. I would...appreciate that.” 

Something about his hesitation made Steve think that the wariness might be less _wariness_ than self-consciousness. He called up a smile. “I needed the same thing when I woke up. But I picked it up pretty fast; I bet you will too.” 

Loki gave him a sidelong look like he thought that might be a compliment but wasn’t sure. And...yeah, there was the tension Steve was quickly becoming familiar with. He held in a sigh.

“You know,” he said, trying to keep his voice mild, “I’m pretty sure I’ve told you that if you need me to...that if the geas is hurting you, I want to know.” 

The last of the expression vanished from Loki’s face and he turned his back on Steve. “And beg for my own subordination?” 

_Great,_ Steve thought, with frustrated resignation. “That’s not what I’m asking.” 

“But it is the result.” 

“God-” Steve took a deep breath and held it, counting to three, before he said, “I wish you’d think a little less about your pride and a little more about your _pain._ ”

Loki’s mouth twisted. “Easy to say, for someone who doesn’t have to choose.” 

The longer they argued without Steve giving Loki an order, the worse it was going to get for him, and if he was already showing the strain it must be pretty bad as it was. Steve squeezed his eyes shut and said, “just - make some lunch. Okay? For yourself, for today,” he added, just in case. He caught the little twitch, the reaction to the order taking effect, and his stomach knotted. The reminder again that no matter how hard he tried…

Loki walked stiffly to the kitchen and started going through cabinets. Watching him, something pinged at the back of Steve’s mind and he walked over to check the fridge.

It wasn’t completely empty. But almost. Like the cabinets. 

Maybe the weight loss wasn’t just a lack of exercise. 

Steve rested his forehead against the fridge and took a deep breath. “Wait,” he said. Loki stopped, brought up short, and Steve could’ve cursed. “I didn’t mean that to be…” He could almost hear Loki: _well, it was. Too late now._ “How long have you been out of food?”

Loki went even stiller. His back was still to Steve. Had he thought Steve wouldn’t notice? Or just that he wouldn’t care?

Or was this some kind of - hunger strike?

“Not long,” Loki said, his voice too level. 

“What does that mean?” Steve asked. He could hear the sharpness in his voice and couldn’t quite will it away. Loki seemed to be considering, and then shrugged.

“A day, perhaps. I’ve been careful.”

_Careful._ Rationing? “Were you going to say something?” Steve asked tensely. Loki’s silence answered that question. “For Christ’s sake-” He cut himself off and took a deep breath. “Why not?”

Loki turned, finally, his expression flat. “Because I still have some scraps of pride,” he said. “I will not _beg_ for food.”

Steve opened his mouth, then closed it. “It isn’t begging to _ask,_ ” he said. Loki’s jaw tightened, then relaxed. 

“Isn’t it?” he said. “When I have nothing to offer in answer?”

“No,” Steve said. “It isn’t. I’m - just _tell_ me when you need something!”

Loki flinched, his head snapping back. _Shit,_ Steve thought violently, and sucked in a breath. “I didn’t mean-”

“You did,” Loki said, his voice rough. Steve squeezed his eyes closed. 

“I...take it back,” he said. “You don’t have to, but...but I’d appreciate it if you would.” 

Loki’s expression was unreadable. “Understood.” 

Steve pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. “I’m sure Tony’s got some way for you to submit grocery orders and get them delivered. I’ll ask.” 

“Thank you,” Loki said. Steve slumped.

“Don’t thank me,” he said. “I should’ve thought of it. Is there...anything else?” 

“No. Thank you.” 

One step forward, Steve thought. Two steps back. Maybe four. 

“When do you and the Widow intend to hold this interview,” Loki said, voice dull, toneless. 

“How about tomorrow?” Steve said. “I’ll come get you.”

“You would have to, wouldn’t you,” Loki said. Steve opened his mouth to say...something, he wasn’t sure what, and closed it again. He didn’t know that there was much he could say, right now, that would be helpful. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I know it doesn’t mean much. But I am.”

Loki said nothing. Steve turned and let himself out.

* * *

Loki didn’t speak to Steve beyond a neutral “thank you” when he returned with three bags of groceries, and continued not speaking to him the next day. By the time he escorted Loki down to the conference room to meet Natasha, he was a mixture of miserable and frustrated that he tried hard to keep from showing. He didn’t think it would get them anywhere.

They sat down. Loki’s expression was perfectly blank, his hands resting palms down on the table. Natasha sat opposite, her expression equally unreadable, and Steve just kept himself from fidgeting. He didn’t know where to sit, so he’d elected to remain standing. 

“Thank you for agreeing to speak with me,” Natasha said. 

“I didn’t see as I had much of a choice,” Loki said. “Let us not pretend otherwise.” 

Natasha didn’t bat an eye. “I’d prefer to keep things polite,” she said, “But admittedly that’s partly up to you.”

“I’d rather we kept things simple. What do you want to know?” 

She studied Loki. “You might be able to lie to me,” she said, “but if I catch you out in a single one, it’s not going to look good for you. I’ll have Steve make you talk, if need be, and there’ll be other consequences. Is that clear?” 

Steve shifted slightly, frowning at her, but she didn’t acknowledge it. _What kind of ‘other consequences,’_ he wondered, wishing she’d said something about that to him, first. 

“It is clear.”

“Good,” Natasha said. “Let’s start with the Chitauri. Are there more of them out there?” 

“Yes,” Loki said.

“Are they likely to attack us in retaliation?” 

“No,” Loki said, after a brief pause. “Even were they inclined, without the Tesseract they cannot reach you.”

“We nuked their fleet,” Natasha said bluntly. “You’re saying that won’t provoke them?” 

“No,” Loki said after a moment. 

“Why not?” 

“The Chitauri homeworld was not involved in the attack against your planet,” Loki said. 

Natasha leaned forward, fractionally. “How’d you pull that off? Peeling off a whole segment of their military to follow you?” 

Steve caught just the faintest twitch by Loki’s eye. If he saw it, it was certain Natasha did. He said nothing. Natasha was too much of a professional to smile, but it looked like she wanted to. “I’m going to need an answer,” she said levelly. “Refusal to cooperate counts the same as a lie.”

Loki lifted his chin just a fraction. “I didn’t.” 

“You didn’t, what?” Natasha said. Loki leaned back. 

“I didn’t recruit them. I was given them.” 

“By who?” Natasha asked. Steve realized that he’d straightened up. 

“There was a...general, of sorts, that I was in contact with. He led them from the other side of the portal, and delegated command of the attack to me.” Steve frowned slightly at that. It surprised him, a little, that Loki would accept a subordinate position to anyone. 

“A general, ‘of sorts’,” Natasha said. “One of the Chitauri? And what does ‘of sorts’ mean?” 

“Not one of the Chitauri, no,” Loki said, and for a second Steve thought he saw a little shudder run through Loki, but a moment later he wasn’t sure. “Something else. I don’t know what. Nor am I certain of his exact position, except that the Chitauri followed his lead. More or less; they aren’t exactly strategic fighters, and - as you discovered - without a central hive-master as anchor, they die. He was not that anchor. But he did hold some sort of command.”

“Hmm,” Natasha said. “And the scepter. Did this...general give that to you, too?” 

Loki hesitated again, his eyebrows twitching like they were about to furrow before he caught them. “No,” he said after a moment. 

Natasha rested her elbows on the table. “Thor said he didn’t recognize it. So where _did_ you get it?” 

Loki let out a strange sound that Steve only belatedly parsed as a laugh. “You aren’t going to like it,” he said.

“Try me,” Natasha said. 

Loki let out a little sound, not really a laugh. “I don’t remember.” 

Natasha straightened, her eyebrows pulling briefly together before she smoothed her expression again. “You don’t remember,” she said, with obvious skepticism. 

“I do not,” Loki said, his voice perfectly cool. 

“And you expect me to believe that?” 

“Frankly, no,” Loki said. His hands rested, palms down, on the table in front of him, but there was something rigidly taut about his posture. 

“Hm.” Natasha sat back. “Say I believe you. Are you saying someone tampered with your memories?” 

“It’s a possibility. If an unnerving one.” Loki sounded surprisingly casual about the idea, but Steve suspected that didn’t mean much. “I have some ability to defend myself from that kind of magic. That someone might have been able to bypass it…”

“Would suggest there’s someone out there stronger than you,” Natasha said, her voice still neutral. “If you’re telling the truth.” 

Loki spread his hands. “Just so.” 

“Interesting.” She glanced at Steve. “I think we’re done for now. But I’d like to talk to you in private. You and me,” she added, to Loki, “we’re going to talk more later.” 

“I look forward to it,” Loki said dryly, standing. Steve recognized the tightness around his eyes and wanted to sigh. 

“You could have said something,” he said. Loki just looked at him like he didn’t know what Steve was talking about, and he did sigh and said, “go back to your suite. I’ll be there in a bit.” 

Loki went. Natasha looked curious. “What was that?” 

Steve sat down. “He needed an order,” he said. “But he wasn’t going to ask in front of you.” 

“You could tell,” she said. 

“I guess,” he said. “I know what pain looks like.” 

“Hm,” Natasha said. She tapped her fingers on the table. “What do you make of his story?” 

“I think he’s telling the truth,” Steve said, after considering for a moment. Natasha raised her eyebrows, and Steve shrugged. “I don’t have a lot of good reasons for thinking that. Just...instinct, I guess, and the fact that - well, it seems to me like if he were trying to fool us he wouldn’t pretend not to remember. He has to know how that sounds.” 

“Hm,” Natasha said. “Or he’s deliberately trying to provoke us - you - into forcing him to talk.” 

Steve frowned at her. “That doesn’t make sense.” 

“I don’t know,” Natasha said. “It’d give him a chance to fuck with you while simultaneously playing the victim. He might think it’s worth it.” 

Steve shook his head again. “I don’t think so. I know you’re the spy, but I’ve been spending the most time with him, and I don’t think he’s lying about this.” 

“If he’s not,” Natasha said, “then what?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“If he’s telling the truth,” Natasha said, “you heard him. It means someone else out there handed Loki that scepter and pointed him at Earth. And that someone is bigger and meaner than Loki, with the ability to remove or tamper with memories. And we know nothing about them.” 

Steve’s stomach knotted. “I see the problem.”

“Yeah,” Natasha said. “It’s definitely a problem.” She paused, her expression turning thoughtful. “I wonder.”

Steve shifted. “Wonder what?” 

She glanced at him sideways. “You’re not going to like it.” 

“I’ve been not liking a lot of things lately,” Steve said. “Go ahead. I should at least hear it before I say no.” 

Natasha leaned back. “And think about it, too. I want you to command Loki to be truthful. And then command him to tell you what he knows.”

Steve stared at her. “We already talked about that,” he said. “You just said it might be exactly what he’s trying to do, in order to mess with us. And _I_ said–”

“That you don’t want to use your leverage more than you have to, I know,” Natasha said.

“And…” it was stupid. And it was going to sound stupid. “I want him to know that we believe him. Or at least, I do.” 

Natasha cocked her head to the side, but at least she didn’t laugh.

“If he thinks no one will ever believe him, there’s not much reason for him to say anything to us,” Steve said. There were other reasons, too, more complicated ones that had more to do with building trust and wanting Loki to stop looking at him like he was surprised every time Steve did something mildly decent. Maybe if they got _there_ then Loki would stop holding back on asking for basic necessities out of fear of humiliation - or worse, a price. 

Maybe then Steve wouldn’t feel so goddamn rotten all the time about being party to something this cruel. 

Natasha was quiet several moments, and then said, “I’m not actually testing his truthfulness. Or not _only_ that.” 

Steve frowned. “Then what?”

“If someone _did_ tamper with Loki’s memories - I want to find the limits of it. If Loki can only tell the truth, and we ask him directly who he was working for…what happens?”

“Why would the answer be any,” Steve started to ask, and then it clicked in his head and he realized why Natasha had said he wouldn’t like this, and not just because it meant using the geas. “You want to basically...put Loki between a rock and a hard place. You want to - test what’s stronger, whatever’s blocking his memories or the geas.”

Natasha’s expression remained neutral. “We don’t know that it’ll work like that. Maybe compelling him to tell the truth only compels him to tell the truth he knows - in which case there’s no difference. Or maybe it’s like you said - there’s something on one side keeping Loki from remembering, but maybe this Asgardian binding is stronger.”

“And what happens to Loki when he’s caught in the middle?” Steve asked, anger starting to heat up. He thought of Loki in the stairwell, caught in contradicting orders. “What are the consequences for him?”

“Maybe nothing.” 

“And maybe a whole hell of a lot!” Steve jerked to his feet. “At the very least it’d hurt. And what if it, I don’t know, fries his brain? You want to explain that to Thor?” He felt a little sick. “You expect me to–”

“I didn’t expect you to agree,” Natasha interrupted, her voice quiet. “I’m not actually asking you. I’m suggesting you present the idea to Loki.” Steve stared at her, and she went on. “If it were me, and I knew someone had messed with my head and my memories, and there was a way to maybe get those memories back...I’d do it.”

“Even if it hurt?” Steve said. “Even if there was a chance that it could damage your brain worse?” 

“I don’t know,” Natasha said. “But it seems like it’d be worth giving him the option.”

“It isn’t that simple,” Steve said. “If I ask that question - I’m not just asking a question. Or Loki won’t hear it that way. Not when he knows that whatever he says doesn’t matter if I decide to go against it. It’s never going to be a completely free choice. What would you do if he said no?” Natasha hesitated, and Steve said, “exactly.”

“Steve,” Natasha said slowly, “we need to know what kind of threat we could be facing here. I don’t want to be the bad guy–”

“I don’t think you’re the bad guy,” Steve said.

“Don’t you?” Natasha exhaled through her nose. “I appreciate the position you’re in here, Steve. But we don’t have a lot of options.”

“That’s not all,” Steve said. “There’s also - Loki’s self-destructive. _Actively_ has a death wish. He might agree to this plan _because_ of the risk.”

Natasha’s mouth twisted. “That’s still agreement.” She glanced aside. “Just...think about it, all right? If there’s someone out there more powerful than Loki, who pointed him at Earth...”

Steve looked down at the table, vaguely nauseated, and said nothing.

“I’m sorry,” Natasha said, and she sounded sincere. “I don’t want to be the person doing this to you. I really, really wish it weren’t necessary.”

_Necessary,_ Steve thought, _isn’t that what they said about the atomic bomb?_ which he knew was theatrical, but he still felt lousy as hell. 

It didn’t help that Natasha might well be right. It just felt like there had to be another way.

“Give me some time to think,” Steve said. 

“All right,” Natasha said. “Think about it. But not too long. We don’t know what this shadowy _someone_ is planning.”

“I know.” Steve stood up jerkily, suddenly needing to just get away. “I’ll let you know what I decide.”

He left in a hurry. The image popped into his head of the scar he’d seen on Loki’s leg: nasty, and relatively recent. 

He thought of Loki in the park, saying _I wouldn’t have won._ His reaction when Steve had asked what was important enough to risk death. There were too many spaces, too many gaps in what Loki said and didn’t say, and it felt like if he could just fill them in maybe he could _understand_ but…

Maybe it wasn’t just Loki not giving him the chance. Maybe Loki _himself_ didn’t know. What would it be like to have gaps in your memory? To know that someone had been in your head and messed with it and not know who they are?

Or what else they might have done, other than stealing memories?

A chill ran down Steve’s spine.

Too many questions. And not enough answers. 

There was, it occurred to him, one person who might know more about what went on in Loki’s head. Who had, by his own admission, some...personal experience. 

God. Clint wasn’t going to be happy. 


End file.
